Do you "OM"?
"If there's one thing I want to tell every woman in the world, it's that as crazy as it sounds, she can find everything she has ever been looking for in her orgasm."--Nicole Daedone
I have read a lot of books on how to improve one’s sex life. Authors and their publishers send me books frequently on this topic, and most of what I am sent I have either heard before or don’t find to be very useful.
This isn’t one of those times.
Nicole Daedone, author, sex educator and founder of OneTaste, took quite a journey to get where she is now. At one point, she was going to join a Zen Center and take a vow of celibacy, but the universe had a different plan in store after she met a Buddhist who opened her eyes to the world of OM-ing.
What is that, you say? OM, also known as “orgasmic meditation”, is not sex, but rather a sexual practice in which you strip down all the bells and whistles that usually accompany sex and get right to it...right to the sensation.
Instead of thinking “faster, harder, more, more!” or numbing our sensations away with vibrators, Daedone believes a feather-light, constant stroke to the clitoris, followed by a grounding of energy can help one regain their sensations and find their bliss with just the lightest touch.
Sounds crazy? Well, this theory has become so popular, that Daedone teaches her technique to couples (gay or straight, doesn’t matter) to help reconnect to their inner bliss and strengthen their bond.
Now, while this is a sexual practice, this is not sex. It may or may not lead to sex. It is a practice that one can do daily or weekly or monthly to help enhance the time that they do spend in between the sheets together. She also teaches men how to OM, as well, but the bulk of the book deals with releasing the female energy to return to a place of pure sensation.
Here’s the technique (abbreviated, of course.) I really recommend reading Chapter 3 to fully grasp the concept, but since it seems a little abstract, I will lay out the basics for you:
Step One: Asking for OM
“In the act of extending toward another person, expressing your desire, and inviting them to share in such an intimate experience, you can taste everything you could ever want from the practice itself: all the enjoyment, all the connection, all the nourishment you are looking for. You let go of expectation and strategy and feel the sensations in your body, and ask for what you desire--the rest takes care of itself.”
Step Two: Setting Up the Nest and Getting into Position
What I really found fascinating about this technique is that Daedone recommends you do this outside of the space in which you normally have sex. OMing is a unique experience and creating a “nest” just for this practice will lend itself to allowing you and your partner to put away the fears and angst of feeling as though you “have to perform” because you are in the bedroom. She details how to create a nest in her book and it is very straightforward. (Great pictures help solidify the concepts, as well.)
Step Three: Noticing
I believe this is possibly the most intense part of OM. There lies the female in all her glory, undressed from the waist down, with her legs butterflied open, and her partner (who is fully dressed) is supposed to look at her and describe what he or she sees. This can seem incredibly uncomfortable at first, but the idea isn’t to give compliments or to flatter or to embarrass.
The idea is just to notice...to describe. Is the skin pink or pearly? What does her clitoris look like? Is it a tiny bud or a larger bloom? Talk about the shape of her labia, color and location. Without judgment, this allows the woman to hear a description of herself that she may have never taken note of before. Women are conditioned to think their bodies are strange, their labias ugly and to have someone describing what they see...well, it can be overwhelming.
One woman in Daedone’s session remarked: “I was completely shocked and made him repeat what he’d just said. I couldn’t believe it. Over the next few weeks, I watched as my own feelings towards my pussy changed. Just having my partner’s approval started to unravel a whole lifetime of my own judgments. It’s amazing how quickly that can happen.”
Empowering the pussy? This is when I started really becoming more engrossed in what Daedone was getting at. This technique has very little to do with the physical. This step was about undoing all of the mental self-harm we have put on ourselves as women and reconnecting to our higher place through our sexual power. This could be especially therapeutic for women that have had sexual trauma in their lives overcome those negative feelings and begin to celebrate their bodies once more.
Step Four: How to Stroke
The idea of how women “should” climax is reinforced through media, reinforced through porn, and even reinforced through each other. If we all assume that the way Samantha Jones from Sex and the City has orgasms is the way we are all “supposed” to have orgasms, it is no wonder there is a nation full of unhappy, dissatisfied, stressed-out women who want to have an orgasm but simply feel inadequate when doing so. We have got to stop expecting our climax to mimic that of a man’s and start accepting that we have our own unique sexuality that can come alive with just the slightest touch...want to learn how? You are going to have to read her book. (I’m such a tease!)
Don’t worry, it is free to download. Here is the link: Slow Sex or buy for your very own HERE
Now, if you are still reading this review (assuming you haven’t dropped everything to download this book) there is a very important step that follows.
Step Five: Communication
“Communication is the next quietly groundbreaking step in OM. I say quietly, because it’s hard to believe that something as basic as sharing the sensations in our bodies or asking very simply for a change of stroke could have such a powerful effect on both partners. Undoubtedly, communication ranks near the top when I ask beginning students what they were most surprised about during their first OMs”
Sara, 41, had this to say: “At first I thought, ‘My partner and I already communicate during sex,’ but then when I had to start telling him what I liked and what I wanted him to change during OM, I shut down. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I realized I really never tell him what I want during sex at all.”
Step Six: Grounding
OMing takes 15 minutes. When there are two minutes left on the clock, the stroker “alerts his or her partner to return their attention to the sensations they are both feeling in the bodies. At the end, the stroker grounds the energy by pressing firmly on his or her partner’s genitals using both hands. This pressure helps stop the firing of her nerve endings, relieves the genital area of engorgement, and leaves both partners with a feeling of completion as they head back into their lives.”
Step Seven: Sharing Frames
This is the last step of OM in which you speak to your partner about your sensations that you recall during your session. It is an act of remembering. I love the way Daedone phrases this step: “...remembering that we have the capacity to be moved or awed or simply happy. In other words, why we OM in the first place.”
You did something extraordinary together, so take a moment to appreciate what you have just experienced.
This book is for all of us, regardless of our age, sexual orientation, or gender. Whether you have great sex and want to just enhance your sex life, or whether you have a hard time climaxing during sex or asking for what you want, OM can be the catalyst that can change your sex life forever.
So, what are you waiting for? Try her 10-Day OM Starter Program (Chapter 5) and really learn to reconnect with not only your lover, but with yourself, your needs, and your desires, as well. No machinery required.
Check out my column on Thursday to read BONUS INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR, Nicole Daedone. We had quite the interesting conversation (as you can imagine!)
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Want more? Check out Daedone's WEBSITE
Follow her on twitter: @NicoleDaedone
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