Come alive again...stroke...by stroke...by stroke...
On Tuesday, I reviewed Slow Sex, by Nicole Daedone. Slow Sex is a fascinating read that encompasses a topic we all want to know more about...how do we have more satisfying sex? It doesn’t matter what path we are on in this life, what our sexual orientation is, or what our gender may be. We all have the same basic needs and desires. We all want to have mutually satisfying sex, we all want to have strong, consistent orgasms, and we all would like (dare I say) more sex. But, how?
Well, apparently, it all starts with orgasmic meditation. Not sex in and of itself, but rather a sexual practice that can help, as Daedone puts it, “increase and enhance the flow of sexual energy.”
I had a very arousing conversation (to say the least) with Daedone, as we discussed the art and craft of not only the female orgasm, but why mutual sexual satisfaction it is so vital, and so important to us all.
Twodaymag: Where did you first learn about OM?
Daedone: I was set to join a Zen Center and take a vow of celibacy, when I met a man, who was a Buddhist, at a party I was at. He introduced me to OM.
Twodaymag: What was that first experience like?
Daedone: I thought I was feeling [during sex before experiencing OMing], but I wasn’t feeling relative to what’s possible in terms of feeling. After years of meditation, years of yoga, I had never broken through. Imagine your mind being a truck and it was though I was finally traveling on the open road of true sensation. My whole life reorganized itself around that moment.
Twodaymag: Did you change anything from that first OM experience?
Daedone: His form of OM was a little bit ‘rougher’, it had more directive, which didn’t necessarily work great for me. So, I shifted some aspects of the practice so that it would be more geared towards a gentler unfolding that can be sustained over time.
Twodaymag: What makes you an authority on OM?
Daedone: I have given 10,000 hours to this practice. I know how the orgasm truly works.
Twodaymag: Is this practice particularly good for women (or men) that have been sexually traumatized?
Daedone: Absolutely, this practice is so healing. Rather than re-traumatizing--that’s why I wanted to slow down the practice, change intention--you can go back stroke by stroke by stroke and have your power regained again.
Twodaymag: You talk a lot about ‘safeporting’. Why is that such an important concept in OMing?
Daedone: It is a place of feeling as though you have your power back. Creating a safe haven for women, especially, to know exactly what is happening during the OM allows one to relax and get into the experience.
Twodaymag: So many women feel as though they don’t orgasm “the right way” or have a hard time coming. A lot of women seem to say to themselves, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ How can OM help these women?
Daedone: Here we thought we won our sexual liberation, and really we just buried our shame. We didn’t have a solution. Then, I thought, maybe it was possible to have some kind of practice that gave you your own answers so you didn’t have to rely on the culture. So, when I found this practice [OM] I said to myself, ‘This is the answer.’ If you give a woman the right to her pleasure, everything in her life changes thereafter.
Twodaymag: So many women, even though we are physically designed to receive, we have a really hard time receiving love. We are constantly giving and giving, but it is so difficult for women to accept the love they give so freely. How can OM help in that respect?
Daedone: Not only is it your birthright [to receive love] but it is your responsibility to accept that love. Everyone is walking around looking for love. What would happen if you were the face that was that love? If you have a woman who is so filled up, it pours out of her rather than what we end up being--empty givers.
Twodaymag: Wow. That is something to think about. Now, shifting gears, I know this book was primarily written for women, but you also talk about how men (gay or straight) can utilize this practice. What is it that men can gain from receiving OM?
Daedone: A lot of guys are conditioned to take and take and take, so when he lies down to receive OM, it is my observation that while men think they can take and take and take, most men can’t truly accept genuine attention. When a woman is totally full and isn’t doing it out of obligation, and her hand is just brimming with sensation, for example, it’s amazing how the guys respond. Some cry...it’s a totally different thing than what you would expect them to be like in a sexual arena. It’s this real thing that thaws them out.
Twodaymag: A lot of men feel as though they cannot express emotions and we are so pushed towards this one end of hyper-masculinity--so to have a man experience touch at this base level, it makes sense that it would be overwhelming for them.
Daedone: It’s this level of super-raw, nuclear, potent sensation that most men don’t usually encounter. I’ve had guys say to their partners, ‘just stop, I can’t take anymore.’
Twodaymag: After years of practicing this yourself, have you ever hit a wall or level of saturation with this practice?
Daedone: I definitely have hit points where I don’t think I can do it again, but then it’s like yoga in the sense where when you think you hit a wall, and then all of the sudden you have a breakthrough and you go ‘oh wow, there’s this whole other place that I didn’t even know existed. This practice is infinite.
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Want more? Check out Daedone's WEBSITE
Follow her on twitter: @NicoleDaedone
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