Keep those fires of love burning bright!
Andrea Sytash, author of Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband) and I had a great conversation about what she has learned through her writings and through her research on healthy relationships. We discussed how important it is to renew your romantic relationships and keep the fires of love burning bright. It was a fantastic conversation (and very enlightening!) Enjoy!
Natalie: What gave you inspiration for the book?
Andrea: I realized when I got married and went to bookstores to look for books on relationships, I noticed that there were a lot of “relationship rescue” books which are certainly important, but I was looking for “relationship renewal”books. I didn’t need rescued, I was in a healthy relationship. I wanted a positive, upbeat guide on how to make over your marriage. We know relationships can be work, but it is fun and fulfilling work. I wanted to focus on that.
Natalie: What kind of research did you do in preparation in writing this book?
Andrea: I combed through so much research on healthy relationships and scientific articles about the nature and biology of relationships. This type of research wasn’t natural for me to interpret since science isn’t my forte. But my mission was to make it seem effortless to read about.
Natalie: What are your tips that you have pulled from your own book that you have used in your own marriage?
Andrea: That’s a good question! It definitely made me more conscious. The biggest thing is just don’t sweat the small stuff. Research shows we need five positive interactions to overcome just one negative interaction with your partner. That’s a crazy ratio! Delving into this research made me conscious of keeping positive interactions going daily in my relationship. I really try to greet my husband at the door with a smile at the end of a long day and try to be affectionate. Touch is so important. It is really the little things that connect you to one another. It inspires him to do the same.
Natalie: What separates your books from so many others on relationships?
Andrea: My book isn’t based on fear, or scare tactics and pitting people against each other. It can still be thought provoking without being negative. I try to create a sense of conscious behavior in relationships through positive and mutual interactions.
Natalie: What is a big mistake couples make in long-term relationships?
Andrea: You need to set boundaries with technology. Technology can be great for flirting with your partner, but we need one-on-one time. Maybe don’t check Facebook before bed. At least make a commitment to snuggle or talk for 10-15 minutes before bed. You need that because it is easy to get caught up in technology and feel disconnected.
Natalie: What would you say is your number one tip for a couple that just got married or has entered into a serious relationship?
Andrea: It is important to keep things fresh. Keep date nights alive. Date night is not watching t.v. together or going to Cosco. Those things are great, but one big misconception people have is that things have to change when you have kids or are married. You are likely to fall into a routine and become roommates if you don’t keep the romance alive in the relationship. Whether you create a day of the week that is “your night” or plan dates on your calendar, do something different. It’s really important to explore new things together. It tricks your brain into thinking that your love is new again. Introducing novelty into your relationship releases a lot of chemicals in the brain that increase pleasure. I’m a big fan of trying adventures together.
Couldn’t agree more!
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Check out Andrea’s book: Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband)
Let’s continue the conversation on twoday magazine’s Facebook page: What is one tip you can think of to help spice up your relationship?
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