Two Day Magazine

...A Body Language Survival Guide

While I've never understood why we as a species love poisoning ourselves while doing permanent hearing damage, going out to a bar or club can be a lot of fun if you know how to make the most of it. Most of us do not live in loud, crowded environments so walking into a loud, crowded bar/club can be a daunting and confusing experience (although I know none of you would ever admit it). So for those of you looking for a little guidance but were too embarrassed to ask for it, I offer eight quick tips to improve your nightlife experience.

1) Drink Height: The height you hold your drink is a subtle indication of your confidence. The higher your drink, the more insecure you look. Next time you're out, watch the way people hold their drinks; the guy/gal with his/her drink held lower or resting on the bar looks much more comfortable the the two people in the back only talking to each other with their drinks clutched to their chests. This one feels uncomfortable when you start but will come with practice. Drinks like bottled beer are a lot easier to do this with than mixed drinks but with practice there is no drink you cannot hold comfortably lower.

2) Posture. Nothing says how comfortable (or uncomfortable) you are like the way you stand. Keep your chin level, your shoulders back and a relaxed smile on your face and you're well on your way. This makes you look confident and taller, too.

3) Location Location Location. If you are not planning on working the room the entire night, it is important that your location matches your intentions. If you are planning on being social, a good place is usually the corner of the bar or any place where there is is a good amount of traffic without picking the highest traffic area. Also, be sure to sit in a way with your wingman/woman that doesn't allow people to continually stand between you to order drinks, it can make you look weak and vulnerable. That said, getting "split" once in a while is ok and it's never worth picking a fight over, which brings me to my next point.

4) No Fighting: Short of true self defense, there really is nothing good that can come out of bar fighting. Escalating a conflict to a physical confrontation does not make you more attractive to anybody. You may think beating a guy up makes you look tough and more respectable, but really everybody thinks you're a jackass. You've not only brought the energy level of the room to an awkward place, you've humiliated the people you were there with. Starting a fight is a tacit way of admitting you have been outsmarted.

5) Volume. Whenever you speak to somebody, you want to do your best to make it sound like you are not shouting. This can be really tough in most bars where you are screaming in people's ears trying to get them to hear you. The key is to push the air out from your diaphragm rather than your throat so you can project your voice rather than scream. Practice this on your own and it will go a long way to making you sound much more confident and comfortable.

6) Dress For The Occasion: This may seem obvious, but it really is important you are dressed for the type of place your are going out to. Some guys, for example, will commonly overlook what kind of shoes they are wearing; this is a huge mistake. Some girls, on the other hand, often dress very promiscuously to a classy event. You want to attract the right attention, not just attention. Also, hooded sweatshirts are really only acceptable in the most relaxed of environments, like a Sunday afternoon in a sports bar to watch an out of market football game.

7) Approach Angle. Should you decide to approach someone, make sure you never approach from behind. Always come from the side or front; if you blindside someone they will instantly and subconsciously close up and you will have to work twice as hard to get them to open up again. You aren’t out hunting small game, you are out to meet new and interesting people.

8) Physical Contact: Physical contact is a natural part of human interaction. From handshakes to hugs, how we touch someone is an indicator of how we feel about them. For example, next time you hug someone, pay attention to the distance of your hips. The further away the person's hips are, the less intimate they feel; you hug your significant other differently than you hug your grandmother. If you want to escalate contact with a stranger, the best place to start is at the elbow or upper part of the arm; see how the person reacts and slowly go from there. Look for things like reciprocation or at the very least, they aren’t running away from you. Nothing is worse than a creepy guy/gal who is all over you and is completely ignoring signs that you're not into it.

It really is ideal to master these skills through study and practice, for even with these simple jumping off points, you will improve your nightlife experience.