Two Day Magazine

How close is too close?

You know, somebody — usually of the opposite sex — you work with who you’re not married to or even dating, but someone you share very similar connections with … and sometimes, even, intimate, personal details.

These situations are pretty typical — from everyday occurrences to fictional work spouses like that of Det. Stabler and Det. Benson on “Law & Order: SVU” to even a rumored former work spouse situation with President Bush and then-national security advisor Condoleezza Rice.

The idea of a work spouse isn’t new, dating at least to the 1930s, when the term “office wife” carried a negative connotation by today’s standards. It wasn’t until the late ‘80s the phrase was updated to “work wife,” “work husband” and “work marriage,” according to Slate.

As typical as work spouses might seem, the platonic situations can lead to awkward situations.

I never had a problem with the idea of a "work spouse" until I saw a friend’s marriage end because a relationship with a co-worker racked up a lot of overtime.

At first, my friend admitted nothing was peculiar about her working relationship with her co-worker. They’d go to lunch together, and, at times, even carpooled to work together. They even went shopping so he could get her opinion on new clothes.

After quitting her job for unrelated reasons, she divorced her husband and now lives with her former co-worker.

This might seem like a rarity, but it’s reality. About 15 percent of men and 13 percent of women said a workplace spouse became a romantic interest, according to FoxBusiness.com.

We spend so much time working, that relationships — friendly or more — happen in the workplace. It’s a good thing, for the most part. We want to have a good sense of camaraderie and partnership with our co-workers. It helps make our jobs more enjoyable, helps keep productivity up and can help us grow new friendships.

If both parties are single, there’s almost no harm in a work marriage — that is, until the relationship sours and you’re stuck working side by side whom you once thought you were attracted to.

But, in most situations, at least one co-worker is married. And that’s where a work marriage can get dicey. If the thought of sexual attraction even enters your mind, it’s time to step back before the situation gets out of control and ruins not only your friendship, but your job.

“You need to be open with your real spouse, so they’re comfortable that this is a business relationship,” expert Peter Post said to CBS MoneyWatch.com. “The minute that you cross the line of subterfuge, now you’ve got a problem.”

And think of the emotional pain and jealousy a workplace spouse can cause for the actual married spouse.

But, it’s kind of like helping an alcoholic. You can’t do much until those involved recognize there is a problem.

What happens if your work spouse starts talking about how his or her marriage is failing?

So, he or she begins to fill you in on their sex life, their arguments and their lack of a loving relationship. Not only is this inappropriate for the workplace (though, it happens), but it’s inappropriate for the type of relationship shared between the two individuals.

“That really crosses over boundaries when you’re talking about your home life,” Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, a marriage psychotherapist and author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage, said to MSNBC. “That’s where it gets very tricky.”

When a work spouse opens up about marital woes, it can lead to unintended emotional consequences. A simple hug of concern could lead one co-worker to assume there are romantic connections.

You can’t help who you’re attracted to, but you can control how and when those feelings are known — if ever. We want to love and be loved by our friends and co-workers.

Good relationships with co-workers are important. But, it’s even more important to manage the boundaries of these relationships so we continue to have a healthy balance between friendships with co-workers and our personal romantic interests.

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Can't get enough of our new weekly columnist, Bobby Cherry? Keep up with Bobby on his website www.gobobbo.com!