Two Day Magazine

When "I love you" really means "goodbye"

Love is a beautiful thing. When you are in love, everything seems wonderful, perfect, even magical! But, what happens when that love isn’t returned? When no matter what you do, what you say, or how you feel just doesn’t matter? Your love just sits there, waiting for a response, a reply, a smile, even. What do you do when “I love you” means walking away?

They say in order to really love someone, you have to let them go. If it is meant to be, they will return to you and all will be well. That’s easier said than done, of course. I know that I have been in this position of having put my heart out there and getting nothing back, and let me tell you, that hurts. All you want is for them to acknowledge you, accept you, and fall madly in love with you. Well, at least that is the fantasy!

In reality, though, you end up feeling so alone, so abandoned, so betrayed by your heart and by love, itself. This can send people into a tizzy, making them bitter and cold towards new possible lovers.

What’s worse, is that when some people are rejected by love, they continue to pursue it,  like a masochist beating themselves up over love, thinking that if they keep putting themselves (and their hearts) on the line, something will click and they will finally get their love returned. Unfortunately, you can’t force emotions, and sometimes, the one we love is the one that hurts us the most. So, what do you do when your love stays unrequited?

Remember, you are not alone.

You have friends and family that are there to support you and reach out to them. A broken heart may seem like a travesty of justice, but just remember. If you have to force it, it wasn’t meant to be and there is something better out there for you.

Focus on your own needs and desires.

After someone suffers a broken heart, they often times become reclusive and depressed. These feelings of inadequacy and self-punishment get you nowhere and can only wound yourself further. Now is not the time to beat yourself up. You should feel proud that you were able to put your heart out there and experience love, even with all its difficulties. Don’t be ashamed of your heart and what it feels. Just remember, this feeling means you are alive!

Start living again.

After the initial shock and pain begin to subside, a dull ache will take its place. When you get up in the morning and they aren’t the first thing you think of, that is a good sign. This means you are starting to heal, starting to move forward, starting to believe in life outside of your broken heart. By taking initial steps to move forward, like going out again with family and friends, spending time outdoors doing things that you love, and being around new people, you are increasing your chances of moving past the hurt you felt and into new, happier territory.

Don’t be afraid to fall in love again.

Let’s say down the road you meet a new, potential mate. He or she is wonderful and you want to fall for them but you are scared. Now, while life can be scary, love is always wonderful. If you have the opportunity to feel that emotion again, to be a part of that world of joy, why not accept it. Accept that you deserve it, accept that not everyone will reject you, and accept that love isn’t the problem. Love is the solution.

Yes, it may take time, and yes it may be a struggle to get through the misadventures of the heart. But, think of all you are missing if you remove yourself from living and loving. Give yourself time, give yourself space. But, never close off your heart due to fear or frustration. In time, if you give yourself the permission to love again, love will come to you with open arms. All you have to do is reach out.