Two Day Magazine

Love is Love, period.

What is marriage? Gay or straight, it should be based on love and not on anyone's own biases.

I was an attendant at a wedding where all was beautiful and totally traditional. From the gorgeous six-tiered cake to the sappy toasts, all was what you’d expect. The couple wore matching wedding bands from Tiffany’s and they looked blissfully happy. The entire reception was everything a newly married pair could hope for it to be. All one hundred-fifty people present ate and drank and danced the night away. 



Later, the guests escorted the newlyweds to the limo that was to take them to the airport for their evening flight to Italy. As we said our good-byes, Tommy reached through the window, gave me a hug, and said thanks for being there for him. Then, Greg reached for me and said the same thing. We were all in tears as they drove off.

Greg and Tommy? Yes, it was a same-sex wedding and it was beautiful.



The subject of gay marriage has been a hot topic ever since California first permitted gay and lesbian couples to have the same right to marriage as heterosexual ones and then had the law rescinded. Everyone has an opinion on the subject from the “to each his/her own” feeling to total outrage at the mere mention of homosexual unions. It is even part of political party platforms and candidates’ personal opinions.


Now that Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker has ruled that the voter-approved ban, known as Proposition 8, violates due process and equal-protection rights under the U.S. Constitution, gays and lesbians will have the legal right to marry whom they love.
That is fair and right.

If we define the word marriage from a dictionary, it will state that the word itself means a union between a man and a woman. But, if we describe what we, ourselves, think a marriage is, we can state the obvious reasons for our own relationships: Love, commitment, sharing same goals, true caring, and similar beliefs. Some couples might add raising a family to their definition, some might not. It shouldn't matter whether it is two women, two men, or a man and a woman. 



It has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Love is love, period.

When Shakespeare spoke about the “marriage of true minds,” he was not referring to the word marriage as we know it, but a coming together of like thinkers. Isn’t that what marriage should be? Someone with whom you share similar ideas, a comfortable ease of like-mindedness? 



To be sure, there are people whose religious backgrounds and strong beliefs will not see marriage as anything but a relationship between the sexes, male and female. I respect their beliefs and their feelings. But, I also have to respect the beliefs and feelings of people like Tommy and Greg.



So, again I pose the question-what is marriage?

Marriage is letting the world know you have chosen this one person, and this one person only, with whom to share your life.



Marriage is feeling great love and the desire to do everything in your power to make your life together happy, healthy, and good.



Marriage is not being afraid of sharing your ideas, your goals, your wants and needs, with a supportive partner. 



Marriage is making a life together without giving up your own self, of being part of “we” yet remaining “me.”

Marriage is going through good times and bad times and yet, still wanting to be with this one person.



And marriage is one more thing:
Feeling that skip in your heart when you see this person or hear his or her voice; feeling warm and safe when you are together.

That  is the true definition of marriage a definition that is for all those who love, regardless of orientation.

© 2010 Copyright Kristen Houghton
Kristen Houghton is the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First