Two Day Magazine

A new program — “Virgin Diaries” — on Discovery’s TLC documents the lives of 20- and 30-something virgins, including a soon-to-be-wed couple who each will have their first kiss upon saying, “I do.”

For the majority of Americans, the thought of waiting until marriage for a first kiss, let alone sex, is unheard of. But some studies — including one from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention — claim the number of people who consider themselves virgins are on the rise.

The CDC study says 27% of men and 29% of women between the ages of 15 and 24 claim they never have had a sexual encounter.

While I applaud folks who — for whatever reasons — decide to wait to have sex, I am surprised at how others choose to stereotype and ridicule those who consider themselves a virgin.

I chose not to watch any videos from the TLC program because I feared the promotion would be touted as if the people appearing on this show were different or second class because of their beliefs.

There is so much talk about sex in our country, yet instead of intelligent conversations, we seem to take it to the extremes. Consider recent stories about push-up bras, and the multitude of stories about make up and spa treatments for young girls. Parents want their little girls to be just that — girls. But there is so much influencing them to grow up faster than ever before.

But when they get to a certain point, they’re pressured for not having sex and being sexy.

Is there no happy medium? How about letting people — men and women — choose their own sexual paths?

Sex is all around us — news, movies, television shows, popular music and easily accessible online. Hell, even the Mariah Carey and Justin Bieber “All I Want For Christmas Is You” video is full of shots of a very aged Carey dressed as a sexy elf grinding on a wall in front of the young Bieber. And remember, kids are watching that!

All of the media influences tell us to rush relationships. If we haven’t slept with somebody after three dates, we’re doing it wrong. But, if someone has had many relationships, we consider them very sexually active.

It’s no wonder so many people seem to be sexually frustrated. We’re damned if we have sex and damned if we don’t have sex!

On an ABC News program about the “Virgin Diaries” show on TLC, Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and a research professor at Rutgers University, said there can be negative effects to withholding from sexual activity.

“(Virgins) haven’t learned anything about sex,” she said on “Nightline.” “They haven’t learned about themselves. They don’t know how to handle anybody — not just in bed but in the courtship process.”

So because somebody is a beginner in bed, they automatically don’t know anything about the socialization process of relationships? Give me a break.

You don’t need sex to know about courtship. If anything, virgins allow themselves to see a potential significant other for everything that’s important in a relationship — things that happen outside of bed.

Virgins are challenging themselves to see people for more than a sexual object. Sure, sex is important for a one-night stand or a friend with benefits, but when you’re 55 and on Viagra or you don’t look as sexy as you did at 30, there better be something else in that relationship to keep it going.

Maybe instead of focusing on virgins, we should focus our attention on this major sexual issue we have. It seems, nobody is comfortable with the sexual (or lack thereof) situation they’re in.

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Keep up with Bobby Cherry on his website: GoBobbo.com!

twoday magazine wants to know: Are you "waiting" for marriage?