Two Day Magazine

There is a relationship so terrifying that it can cause a woman to change her name, her address, her job, and even cause her to change her lifestyle forcing her to have very little contact with family and friends.

The most horrible part of this relationship is that, in the beginning, a woman is usually not even aware she is a part of it. Unaware, that is, until she is in the midst of being terrorized.

The relationship I'm describing is between stalker and victim.

In 1987, Andrea Evans, popular daytime actor on One Life to Live was accosted several times by a stalker in the lobby of  the Manhattan studio where the show was filmed. Evans was told by police that unless she was physically harmed, they could not help her. After her stalker slashed his wrists on the studio's front steps and was confined to a psychiatric hospital, he began sending her death threats written in blood. Fearing for her life, she quit One Life to Live, hired private security, and went into virtual hiding for the next 20 years.*

Though most of the stalking stories that make headlines involve celebrities and actors, there are many stalking incidents that occur to people not in the public eye. Ann (not her real name) had no idea that she was being stalked. It started slowly.

For several months, Anne had been receiving small gifts from "someone who knows you."

She thought it odd but wasn't unduly concerned. She just thought the notes were a joke.

It wasn't until she received a huge floral arrangement at her townhouse with a note that detailed an entire day in her life, even to the fact that she had shopped for lingerie on her lunch hour, that she became afraid.

Her fiancè insisted that she contact the police, which she did.

While the laws have changed from the 1980's to protect victims from their stalkers, outside of a 24-hour security watch, there is little that can be done. Ann, who keeps in touch with police concerning her stalker, moved to another part of the city but the notes and gifts kept coming; some to her home and others to her office.

One terrifying incident has made her consider moving to another state.

At her bridal shower, in a place that was kept secret up to the last minute even from her best friend and family, there was an unexpected gift. A framed picture of her going into a bridal shop with a note that read, "Brides go missing."

Ann has hired a private investigator and a security guard. Her family is helping with the expense. Though she hates to admit this, Ann is living her life in fear. It is a terrible way to live and it is taking its toll on her and her family.

If you are, or even think you are, the victim of a stalker, there are several key actions you need to take.

Alert the police immediately. Don't feel you're being paranoid, don't convince yourself you imagining it; the police take this very seriously and will tell you that you are absolutely right in contacting them.

Tell family, friends and co-workers. The more "eyes on you" the better. Stalkers want you alone and afraid.

Keep meticulous records of all stalker contact no matter how unimportant it may seem to you. This advice is excellent for any items that have been sent to you. Think like a CSI and remember that even minute samples of  DNA, fingerprints, etc., are important in tracking a stalker.

Make it a point to never go anywhere alone if at all possible. Being in an open public area is not an automatic guarantee of safety. You are the prey and the stalker will wait for the opportune moment to strike.

Be alert, it's your key to survival. Be very aware of where you are at all times and of all people who are around you. Sad to say, you have to learn to suspect everyone.

Never assume gifts, notes, or flowers are from friends.

Trust your instinct. A stalker is usually someone you know or have met. If you feel uneasy being with someone there is a good reason. Alert the police. That person may be your stalker.

Take charge of your own life. Seek help from all sources. Below is a government site that offers help to victims of stalkers.

*In 2009 Andrea Evans returned to New York and daytime television. She plans to continue taking security precautions, even though her stalker is now elderly and no longer a threat.  Evans has said that,  "The fear of being stalked forever changed me and I will always be hyper-aware. That's the price I have to pay to be safe."

Resources - Stalking Laws

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© 2011 Copyright Kristen Houghton

Kristen Houghton is a Lifestyle writer and the author of the book ranked in the top-selling 100 book of 2011: And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First

*Kristen is in the process of editing her new book on humor in relationships, due soon.*

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