Two Day Magazine

Life is not a checklist....

Life really is all in what you make it...

As I inch closer to turning 30, I’m constantly reminded of how my life hasn’t taken the path I thought it was supposed to when I was in my teens.

When you’re 15, family and media influences force you to think life has a check list of activities. You’re supposed to find the love of your life while in college (or, at the very least, within a year of finishing), get married before you’re 27 and immediately begin having children. Don’t forget about buying that house with the picket fence on the well- maintained street! Oh, and the dog.

At 28, I’ve realized that I’m either a failure for not having kids, a marriage and a house, or I’m just content with how my life seems to be taking shape. And, it helps having friends around me who also are single and just as happy and content with their lives.

The closest thing my mother has to a grandchild right now is my cat, Belle. When I first adopted Belle, my mom thought it was cute she had a “grandkitty.” She’d buy her cat toys, food and show her a lot of love.

She still loves Belle, but does not refer to her as a grandchild as much now.

Instead — and thanks to friends around me for continually becoming pregnant — she asks, “Oh, (fill-in the blank) is having a baby. His/her mother is probably so excited to be a grandparent. I wonder when I’ll ever get that chance?”

And, then I get a glare.

I usually reply by suggesting my younger brother is an option for having kids, too.

Of course, it doesn’t help that I show her photos of friends’ babies. One of my good friends had a baby a year ago, and I often show my mom the many photos on Facebook. Last week, I showed her photos from the baby’s one-year-old birthday party that included a shot of the baby and his grandmother (my friend’s mom).

My mother’s reaction was something like, “Look how cute he looks with his grandma. Guess I better find Belle for a photo like this.”

I find some relief in statistics that prove I’m not alone. In 2010, Census figures showed the average age at first marriage for a guy was 28. I’m likely to help keep that statistic rising, at least for the next several years.

For women, though, increases haven’t been as large. In 2000, the average age a woman was married was 25.1. By 2006, that age was 25.5. Last year, that number had risen to just 26.1.

In 1950 and 1960, the average age a man first was married was 22. For women, the average age was 20! I couldn’t even imagine being married at 22! I was in college and enjoying life. I barely had enough money to feed myself, let alone a family!

In 1982 — the year my parents were married, the average age a man married was 25. For women, it was 22.3.

When my parents married they both were 24. I was born a year later. When I hit 25, I thought about that alarming fact — my parents were married and had a kid by now. It really made me feel like I had gone wrong somewhere in life. Shouldn’t I be following the path they did, and have started a family by now? Of course, college, economic factors, work and my lack of relationships all are reasons as to why I am where I am today.

Some friends whose lives have included marriage and kids have said, that while they love their families, they often wonder what life would be like if they still were single. For some married-with-children friends, that was the only path they considered. They got married while in college or just after high school and began a family.

While I am nowhere near ready to be married (or have a child), I’m still happy with my life. There’s no award for being married by 30. Life isn’t a race to see who can have kids first. I’ve learned — or at least have accepted the fact — that as long as I’m happy with how my life has turned out, I’m doing pretty well.

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Can't get enough of our new weekly columnist, Pittsburgh journalist, Bobby Cherry? Keep up with Bobby on his website www.gobobbo.com!