Two Day Magazine

Allowing the Body to Heal the Heart...

You had a major league, no-holds-barred fight. You both used words like sharpened weapons; feelings are not only hurt, they're ripped to shreds and in the calm after the storm, you are mad as hell. You fume for days. The last thing you want is physical contact. It will be a long time before that happens again you tell yourself!

Then, one night he reaches for you and you are stunned, shocked, and annoyed as anything that he wants sex! "Are you kidding?!" you want to scream. "Can’t you see I'm still angry!"

But, he seems to genuinely want to make love as if the act itself will be a healing balm for the hurt you've caused each other. You're reluctant to "give in." Honestly! Does he really think this will make everything "all right?"

Honestly he does and surprisingly it will.

Fights are draining and too many of them without letup can create so many cracks in a relationship it can become hard to make it whole again. The resulting “hands-off” anger and lack of physical contact can be even more damaging. The more you fuel your anger by avoiding touch, the harder it is to reconnect again. Though he may be thinking a little more with an organ other than his brain when he wants to make love after a blow-up, he is sincerely trying to make everything right again as a couple.

Let’s face it: You're human, you're two strong individuals who are in a relationship; fights are always going to happen; that's a given. But, several days after the last angry word has been flung with malice, you need a healing period to help you remember why you're together. Makeup sex is the GPS that heads you in the right direction. It is the sexual balm that will heal both of you if you give it a chance. So…give it a chance!

The great part about having sex after an argument is that it does wonders for both your physical and mental self. The act alone releases endorphins, the "feel-good" wonder-drug hormone. It reduces stress and is perfect for your anger management. It's hard to feel angry towards someone with whom you have just shared a hot, sexual encounter! More than stress relief, however, make-up sex solidifies the bond you already have. It is a way of saying I'm sorry without actually using words. The intimate act alone tells you that.

And sex used as a peace offering is more intense, stronger, sweeter, certainly hotter, and better.  It is as if you both unconsciously want to put the unpleasantness of the fight behind you and focus on the pleasure of life. It takes away the sting, puts you in a loving mood, and allows you to see the fight for what it was. You are more focused on what is important and believe me it isn't the disagreement you had.

So the next time he wants to use make-up sex as a way to get back together, don’t hesitate; go for it. The physical intimacy of your two bodies that gives so much pleasure has natural healing powers too.  Use it and let go of the anger.

*****

Kristen Houghton is the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First

© 2010 Copyright Kristen Houghton