Two Day Magazine

Because in John's world...this stuff actually works...

If you asked most people which part of any social interaction was the most important, they would probably tell you the first impression. Most of us believe once we make that first impression, whether it's the initial conversational ice breaker or getting that person to agree to go on that date, the rest will fall into place. The truth is, however, that very little importance is placed on that first impression compared to what you actually do with that impression down the road.

If a person is open to meeting new and interesting people, and you don't come off as desperate, awkward or a serial killer, then getting that person to talk to you is actually pretty easy and not worth all the fretting we normally do about it. It's what comes after the first impression that really decides if this relationship matures or terminates early.

This is the stage where people fall into a pattern of the same boring back and forth questions we've all heard a million times:

"Where do you work?" (which is code for "how much money do you make?").

"Where do you live?" (which is code for "how much money do you make?")

"Do you have any siblings?" (which is code for "I'm desperately trying to find some common ground here.")

And, my personal favorite, "What is it you want to do with your life/job?" (which is code for "how much money are you realistically going to make in the near future?").

Having a few good tricks up your sleeve in this crucial stage can really make you stand out from the hoards of other people that person has talked to.

Rather than assault the person with interview type questions, I like to take a different approach. One of my all time favorite "getting to know you" activities is the body language game. This is a game a good friend of mine and I made up one night while we were bored at a bar.

The rules are simple. Person A picks out a group of two or more people in the bar/cafe/park/zoo/museum/renaissance fair/etc. Then, person B has to read the group to determine as much information about them as possible. For example, who's in a couple? How do they know each other? Are they friends or coworkers? Things like that. After person B gives all this personal information, person A has to go approach the group and verify as much of the information as possible. After that, persons A and B switch roles and the game starts over until the two of you pretty much know everybody in the place.

Most people are on board with this until the verification part. The idea of approaching a group of strangers to find out personal information is terrifying, but don't worry, I'm not going to just send you out into the world completely unprepared. While you should take some time to study and practice basic body language reading and how to approach different groups of people, I'll give you a few quick tips to get you started.

First, when you are reading people you need to notice the little things--like their feet. Not only will their shoes tell you something about them, but they will also tell you how they feel about the people around them. For example, if there is a group made up of two guys and one girl, watch the girl's lead foot. It will point the guy she is more interested in the majority of the time.

Now, on to the approach. When you approach a group of strangers, there are a few things you MUST do. First, smile. This makes everyone around you feel more comfortable. Second, if you can address the entire group you should, but if the group is of mixed genders and you must focus on a specific person, make sure it is one of YOUR OWN GENDER. Ladies, I know it's easier to get a guy to pay attention to you, but imagine you are out with your significant other and another girl comes out of nowhere and starts talking to your guy and ignoring you... Not good right? Now imagine the same girl focuses mostly on you at first and ignores him; she appears as much less of a threat.

The easiest way to start a conversation with a group of strangers is ask some silly and indirect question.

One of my favorites is "Hey, you guys look like you could help. Real quick---always give the impression you're not planning on staying or they'll start worrying that they won't be able to get rid of you---do you know where cinnamon comes from? Is it a leaf or something?"

You would be surprised how many people don't know the answer to that (FYI it comes from a type of tree bark, but the answer doesn't matter). Once the conversation starts, you can comment on something they said or compliment one of them. Most people will open up and you can steer the conversation to something like, "So how do you all know each other?"

From there, you will get the verification you need, then you simply tell them it was nice talking to them, excuse yourself and get back to your date/friend/guy you picked up at the renaissance fair.

Remember, this game is not for everybody, but if you are willing to do it, you can send a strong impression to the person you are getting to know that you are fun, confident, and socially aware. It will tell them much more about who you are than rambling on about where you work and what kind of car you drive.

Side Note: Some of you might be reading this and thinking to yourself, "If somebody came up to me while I was out and asked me about cinnamon I would tell him to get away from me." To you I would simply say (and I mean this from the bottom of my heart), you're a jerk and no one likes you. There are a small number of people out there that are like that, the key is to never let it bother you. You'll go on with your night and they will die alone and friendless. Besides, getting blown out always means you will return to your party with a great story.