Two Day Magazine

A Litmus Test for Relationships

So, you and your partner have decided to take the next big step in your relationship and open a joint bank account. Wait a second there Ozzie and Harriet, have you both thought about what this actually means? There will be no more talk about, “My money.” That egocentric phrase is now instantly replaced with, “Our money.” Are you ready to handle that? Are you ready to be held accountable to someone, besides yourself, for your spending and saving habits? If these are questions that you haven’t thought about, you need to take a seat and let me give you some helpful hints and advice about this monetary merge.

Since you are contemplating joining finances, I am going to assume that you are already participating in the great social experiment of living together. Well, living together is a grand display of commitment, no doubt; however living together can be akin to playing house. Unless you are married, if something goes wrong there are really no lasting consequences; you get your stuff back and move on. Joining finances is a different bird all together; you will indeed see what your relationship is truly made of

Besides infidelity, financial issues are the leading factor in a serious relationship failing. We are slaves to the almighty dollar and the majority of our life is based on how we can make more. Money is a necessary evil, a drug that we have been taught to constantly seek to intoxicate us, so it is natural that when you are sharing financial responsibility and integrity with someone, problems can and will arise.

Look at the basics. You have just signed the papers at the bank to open a joint account, congratulations! You have now just assumed all of the financial responsibilities of your partner. You each have your own car that you’re paying for? Now you have two cars that you’re paying for. You both had student loans that you are paying back? Now you have two student loans that you are paying back. You both have credit cards with high balances? Now you have two credit cards with high balances. The list goes on and on. You both are now equally invested in the other’s financial obligations and financial fidelity. Is your relationship truly prepared to accept these new found financial responsibilities? Take a long moment to seriously ask and truthfully answer that question. Try to remember that how much you love your partner has no bearing on the answer, remember this is money. If you are not ready to take this step, be honest with your partner. Being honest is the only way you and your partner can avoid making a mistake.           

Let’s talk about the most common problem with joining finances. You make more money than your partner. This is a common bone of contention in a relationship. No matter how much you love your partner, when you say that you want to go and spend a thousand dollars on a new TV and they say, “We don’t need a new TV. We need to get the balance down on my credit card,” you will instinctively feel that, since you make more money than your partner, you should be able to do what you want with your earnings. That feeling isn’t wrong, in fact, it is human nature. Experience the feeling of resentment then let it go. Realize that it is not important who makes more, what is important is that you and your partner love each other and are starting a life together. When you truly love a person and you want nothing more than to see them happy, then you should always remember that money comes in and money goes out and that there is no dollar amount that can destroy the feelings you have for someone. Sure, sharing a home and finances can be stressful and at times very frustrating, but try to remember why you got into this in the first place. When you are able to reconnect and appreciate that, no amount of money in the world will matter.