Two Day Magazine

Yea, Right.

I sat with my friend Stephanie over coffee and cornbread.  Each week, we meet up for coffee, and, of course, inevitably chat about relationships and sex. Stephanie has always been a “relationship” type of girl. I, on the other hand, have always been a “hook-up” type of girl. We laugh at our differences, but regardless of how different our dating habits are, we always find common ground.

We started talking about a mutual friend, Dani; someone who considered herself a feminist. Feminism to Dani meant being totally sexually free and unattached to her partners. Dani and I related in certain ways. I have had a lot of casual sex. However, Dani told us a story that not only alarmed us, it also made us wonder how many other women treat themselves like this.

Dani had been hanging out with this guy who didn’t care about her at all. Look for his picture next to the word “douchebag” in the dictionary. Dani and Douchebag stayed the night with each other, but because Dani was having her period, they didn’t have sex. So, she blew him.

When they woke up in the morning, Douchebag left and said, “well, see ya when I see ya.”
   
Alarms should have gone off that said, “Alert! Alert! Douchebag is a major asshole!”

Sadly, in Dani’s mind, this was totally acceptable. “It’s no big deal. I’m just having fun,” she said.

Me, one of the most sexually open minded people I know, almost had a heart attack. You see, there comes a level of respect that one must demand for themselves when sleeping around. Especially women.

It’s so easy to say, “Oh, it’s no biggie. We had fun. I wasn’t expecting anything out of it. Whatever.”

I’m sorry, girls, but let’s get real for a second. I’m not buying this, “I like to be treated like crap” spiel.

You know what that says about you? It says you have low self-esteem and that you don’t feel like you deserve better for yourself. There is a way to sleep around with a dignity.

First off, make sure that when you sleep with a guy, you get just as much pleasure out of it as he does. If he’s obviously the only one having a good time, you don’t have to keep having sex with him. You can stop. Trust me, I’ve done it. Secondly, don’t be someone’s booty call. Women, take charge and call the shots. Let them know when you’re available; don’t worry about their availability. Don’t go over to his place at two in the morning after he’s been drinking with friends and will literally sleep with anyone to cure him for the night.

Women don’t understand how much power comes with their sexuality. We are the ones who say yes and say no. You’re not a toy some guy can just use without any regard to who you are as a human being. If this is what our definition of what sexual freedom and feminism mean, we have lost the point. When you start allowing that type of the behavior and don’t expect to be treated with any dignity or respect, where does one draw the line?

To all you “sexually free” girls out there: being sexually free and independent doesn’t mean that involves being treated like shit. That is not the message we want to send out to future generations of women, and certainly not the message you want to send to yourself.

Join Anya's facebook group: Standing Up to Idiots.