Two Day Magazine

Goes Together Like a Horse and Carriage?

You have heard the countless jokes about sex after marriage, or the lack there of; you have seen the character of the hapless, hopeless, sexually deprived husband and let us not forget the equally inequitable portrayal of the frigid and sexually contemptuous wife.  Is this a fair or accurate representation of what relationships turn into post, “I do?”  Of course not, after all it is Hollywood and these characterizations are fiction…..right?  

So, where does the truth lie? What is the state of sex after marriage?  Well let us first change the term, “Sex after marriage.”  To me saying the word, “after” denotes that you and your partner’s previous relationship has ended, that upon exchanging rings and saying, “I do” that you must now change how you approach your relationship and your marriage; which includes a new set of rules, a new system of operation.  I feel that the better phrase to use is, “Sex during marriage.”  

I, myself, have been married for five years now and I can quickly and concisely answer the question of what sex during marriage is like.  Are you ready?  Sex during marriage is no different than sex before marriage and if you are reading this article in order to fully and comprehensively research whether or not you want to get married, please, I implore you, don’t.  There, I have just saved you plenty of headaches and a boatload of money.

Sexual activity between married couples ebbs and flows as it would between couples that are dating.  Personally, something that changed for me when I got married was that it was acceptable and in most ways welcomed to get my wife pregnant.  

I cannot exactly pinpoint how this changed my sex life;, however, I can appreciate how one may view sex during marriage as now being a task that will result in children and how that attitude can drastically affect a person’s sex drive.  I am in no way saying that this is a common feeling for husbands, just something that I felt, something that you can examine, because now being the proud daddy of two beautiful girls, making the decision to start a family was a petrifying and an exciting one.

There is no formula for having a successful sex life in your marriage.  It’s perfectly acceptable to go a little while between sex, it’s perfectly acceptable for you and your husband or wife to not leave your bed for a weekend.  It’s what you do and how you interact with one another in the interim that will determine the success or failure of your marital sex life.

I would like to close with a theory, it may be valid or I may be viciously deluded.  Think about the person or people that taught you the most about relationships, for most of you, these people would be your parents.  Now, think that no matter what the state of your parents’ marriage: still together, divorced, whatever it may be; they are the ones that taught you how to exist as a sexual being within the confines of a marriage and since most children never want to think about their parents having sex and many parents never want to talk to their children about sex, I would venture to say that that is a pretty strong indictment of how our views on sex during marriage has been impeded.