Two Day Magazine

Take charge of your romantic destiny...

It’s easy to get in a dating rut. You meet the same people over and over again, go on the same sorts of dates, never discovering anything new or exciting about yourself or those around you.

First dates often seem like interviews with bar bills at the end of the night, and often times, those first dates can be disappointing and discouraging.

“Everything was going so well until I found out he was a dog person. I like cats. Nuff said.”

“We were having such a great time until he said he still lived with his parents. He’s 36. Need I say more?”

“I was totally into her until she pulled out her blackberry to tweet to all of her friends that this was the best date ever and started planning our wedding before dessert.”

“I wanted to kiss her but she got so drunk she threw up on my shoe and let’s just say we called it an early night.”

We’ve all heard horror stories about first dates that went awry. And, so it makes us all a little gun-shy about putting ourselves out there in the hopes of finding a real connection.

Plus, then there is the panic of once you find a real connection, how do you keep the connection alive?

So much over-analyzation, so much stress, so much panic...isn’t dating supposed to be fun?

Well, it can be, but only if you are willing to take control of the dating process, yourself, and reclaim your love life for your very own.

Here are some common pitfalls on the road to relationship bliss and how you can overcome these obstacles and live the romance you have always wanted.

Pitfall #1: Emotionally Investing Too Soon

    It’s a common rookie dating mistake that we all make (even some of the more seasoned players) from time to time. You are so excited to finally go out with this person you have been crushing on for months now, and you start picking out wedding china before you even decide on where to have your first date. Of course, this is a great way to not only give up all of your power to a person you just connected with, but let’s just say putting all your eggs in one basket isn’t the brightest move.

Reclaim Love: Play the Field
    Instead of holding out hope that this one person will fulfill all of your needs on every level, why not go out with a few different people throughout the month to encourage yourself to explore your options. Sure, you may really like the one person and be lukewarm on someone else, but who cares? Have a few adventures, have a few laughs, and enjoy time getting to know a variety of people before deciding on what you really want.

Pitfall #2: Idealizing Your Lover

    Everyone puts on those rose-colored glasses when they first start seeing someone new. Everything they do is just adorable, everything they do is special and everyone who sees you together thinks you are perfect for each other. (So you must be, right?) You start to lose sight of reality and once again, give away all of your power just to hold onto this majestic and magical creature.

Reclaim Love: Bring the Relationship Back Down to Earth
    The worst mistake someone can do is hold their lover up to an unrealistic standard. Your partner does not walk on water (and if he or she does, please promise to put that video on YouTube). When you hold your partner up on a pedestal, you give away your power by unconsciously suggesting that they are above you and that you are “unworthy” of them. This mentality will only lead to resentment and disillusionment when they fall from grace and upset you at some point. Better to keep both you and your partner’s feet planted firmly on the ground and enjoy them for who they really are, and not based off of your favorite romantic hero or heroine.

Pitfall #3: Sacrificing Your Other Relationships in the Name of Love

    Sure, when people first start off dating someone, all of their friends give them a few months’ worth of “free passes” in which time they expect to be blown off for your new lover or times in which they expect your new love to tag along because you justcan’tgetenoughofeachother. But, those passes expire at some point, and believe it or not, your friends actually want to spend time with you outside of your relationship. When that doesn’t materialize, you may start noticing your phonebook shrinking.

Reclaim Love: Make Your Lover a Part of Your Life, Not Your Whole Life
    While it is easy to get swept away in the sea of love, it is your friends that prove to be valuable buoys to cling to when you are getting tossed in the waves. Lovers come and go, but friends see you through it all and that position in your life deserves respect. In fact, you may not think you “need” friends when you have a lover, but think of how dull life would be if we only had one person to share it with!

Relationships are a vital part of human existence and much can be learned about oneself while immersed in love. But, when one ignores their own needs and only focuses on the needs of their lover, the balance is lost and the game becomes less about love and more about control. Take back your love life by standing up for yourself and never settling for anything less than what you want from a relationship.

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