Two Day Magazine

Enhancing Your Sex Life

How do you and your partner feel about pornography? Does it enhance what you already have?

Most couples, at one time or another, have viewed some sort of pornography together. From the hot “soft” porn scenes in the movie “Unfaithful” with Diane Lane and Olivier Martinez, and “Body Heat” with Kathleen Turner and William Hurt, to the triple X rated movies with actors whose names are forgettable, the majority of couples have sampled pornography.

Pornography is as old as human kind. Observing couples in a sex act has always been a form of pleasure and education for many people. The word itself has an interesting history as does the viewing of it as “good” and a normal part of life.

The word comes from two Greek words, porne`which means whore, and graphos, which means writing. In essence it was a graphic portrayal of the sex act.

Though prostitution was a respected profession, the porne` was considered to be the lowest class of the prostitutes and the porneia were found only in filthy lower class brothels. They  were virtual sex slaves, either forced, coerced, or poverty stricken and willing to do whatever the customer demanded. Because they were thought to be vile and unclean, they were looked down on, not only the populace, but by their higher priced sisters; the highly skilled Hetaira, who were sheltered in clean, upscale “houses of pleasure” and lived quite well.  

Pornography was thought to enhance the sexual act between partners who were literally taught techniques and “ways to pleasure” each other through the  observation of the prostitutes.  Married couples of means either frequented high priced places of pleasure or had their favorite prostitutes, male and female, come to perform in their own homes. In Pompeii, you can see special rooms in the houses of the wealthy dedicated to sexual pleasure. The depiction of graphic murals and certain alcoves in the room were designed for engaging in sex. There are many places throughout Europe and the Americas with areas similar to those in Pompeii.

The viewing of pornography was not always considered to be “sinful.” Religious beliefs had a great deal to do with the idea that the unclothed human body was a source of sin. Some religions also believed, and taught, that all sex, even married sex, had the taint of sin attached to it because it was a “carnal” act. Pleasure was not a consideration; copulation was for producing offspring.

Women who had come from Great Britain in the 1600’s told their daughters on their wedding nights what they should think while in their marriage beds: “Lay back, close your eyes, and think of making sons for England.” That’ll make a great marriage!

Is there a place in your relationship for pornography? It wholly depends on you and your views of what is good for you both and what you consider to be moral and immoral. Religious beliefs and taught attitudes towards sex are a prime factor in whether a couple feels comfortable in the viewing of pornography. There are sex therapists who feel that some type of pornography will help couples achieve more pleasure in sex and aid them in reaching orgasms.

Pornography should be an aid to pleasure not the source of pleasure itself. If one partner shows more interest in viewing pornography than in his or her partner, then there is a problem. The viewing of pornographic videos, whether soft or hard-core, should be  mutual. The arousal from the visual can lead to both of you focusing on, and enjoying, each other. The videos should never be the sole source of pleasure.

Today there are videos that cater to couples’ needs and wants, satisfying the ideas of both men and women, and showing affection between them. They are a far cry from the “films” of the past that objectified women, making them out to be no more than slow-brained sex-slave idiots, and making men seem like brutes with a nonexistent IQ.

While sex is a wonderful act, it is incomplete without affection and deep feelings for each other. If you want a little spice in your relationship, there is nothing wrong with various forms of pornography. Just remember that it is an aid to an intimate act that takes place between two people- you and your lover. That is important. Enjoy each other!

© 2010 Copyright Kristen Houghton
Kristen Houghton is the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First