Two Day Magazine

Does it become all work and no play?

Due to a very convoluted and serendipitous series of events this summer, I now work for the same very small company as my husband of 12 years. He’s worked there for three years, and we know the business owners socially.  It seemed like something that was going to happen sooner or later, but it came together kind of suddenly, leaving us little time to consider what effect our working side-by-side from 9 to 5 would mean on the home front.

Needless to say, I was nervous at first. Would we get on each other’s nerves? Would we have nothing else to talk about but work? What if the occasional bad work day trickled into our home life?  It wasn’t exactly as though one of us could just up and quit if we were irritating each other; this was a move that was going to stick, whether we handled it well or not.

All valid concerns, to be sure. But, what started out as an unexpected career opportunity for me has turned into an unexpected boost to our marriage. I recently asked my husband if he was really okay with the whole situation.

“I really like seeing you every day at work,” he told me.  

I told him my worry that he’d feel like we were seeing “too much” of each other.

He replied, “no, actually, I think I wasn’t seeing enough of you. It’s been really nice to have you around.”

I did sort of melt when he said that. And I was very relieved. It’s no secret that when you’ve been married awhile, it’s easy to worry that he’s seen everything in your bag of tricks. There’s the concern that the great day-to-day rhythm you have going will start feeling more like a routine, that you’ve become predictable. Or even worse, that you’ve become dull.

Add a child or two to the mix, and you drain even more energy out of even the most solid of marriages. Kids, however rewarding and fulfilling and wonderful they may ultimately be, are exhausting. Again, this isn’t a revelation.

For us as parents, almost all decisions go through that kid filter: How will it affect the small person?

Not to mention that finding time for each other, just couple time, has also been challenging. It’s not that we don’t want to go to the occasional date night, but by the end of the work week, we’re just too drained to plan anything, much less execute it. Staying in is cheaper and more convenient; who can argue with that logic?

Yep, we had grown sort of lazy. The desire for alone time was there, but pulling it together was just too daunting.

The work arrangement, however, has taken care of most of these concerns quite nicely.

I know I’m a slightly different person in a professional environment than I am in a personal one, and my husband is, too. It’s been surprisingly nice to get to know that version of him: someone whom others count on and come to with problems, someone who works extremely hard and really cares about the work he’s doing. It has helped freshen things up a bit, by giving me a new perspective on a person I really like a lot.

And couple time? Since we’re both in supervisory positions, and we have barely a dozen employees, there are very few projects we’re not both involved in at work. Sometimes, though, it helps to get out of the office to talk about work problems and concerns.

Enter the lunch meeting. It may not be super-romantic, but it gets us out of our everyday environment, which is half the battle when trying to plan time together. We talk about work, yes. But, talking about a work problem with a coworker I really like and respect and who happens to be really, really cute... well, you see where I’m going.  

Now, granted, working with your spouse is certainly not for everyone. For starters, not all couples have career paths that are closely matched, or even in the same field. And if you are spending a lot of time with your mate outside of work, on date nights or whatever else, spending all day with them might not be as rewarding (or necessary).

I’d also caution against working in a situation where your spouse is your supervisor, or vice versa. Were that the case for us, I think it would be a great detriment to our dynamic at home, and would ultimately lead to hurt feelings or resentment at some point. There would also be the perception of other employees to consider; if your spouse was your boss, coworkers would be justified in carefully scrutinizing assignments and promotions and such. For us, at least, it wouldn’t work.

I think as long as we’re mindful that we’re a family first and coworkers second, we will be fine. In fact, whatever our jobs throw at us, we’ll be able to work it out.