Two Day Magazine

Commit or walk away...

“If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it,” goes the popular Beyoncé anthem of a few years ago. Truthfully that says it all when it comes to relationships and sex. It usually becomes the anthem for women in serious relationships everywhere – hey, listen, if you enjoy our sexual encounters that much and want me to be monogamous, then make a commitment to me. Otherwise, don’t complain if I go on to someone else.

The ring, of course, is really only a symbol; commitment is the real issue. The idea of being sexually active with someone you are seriously dating is a kind of cement to your relationship. Now that you’ve gone this far, shouldn’t you make some type of commitment? It isn’t “casual or recreational sex” we're having so shouldn’t he want it to be monogamous?

In the uncertain world of dating many people, men as well as women, are looking for that one person with whom they are compatible in all ways. Sex is no exception. Great sex is a bonus to any couple. Still, there are those who want their partner(s) to be a “one-person-person” but who have no intention of being monogamous themselves! They want all the cupcakes.

Can you accept being just one of his many? Do you want him to be one of your many? How should you handle this situation?

Carefully but decisively.  Here's your 'put-a-ring-on-it' list.

Number one rule here is safe sex for you. You, not him. Protect what is yours and that includes your genitalia. While the condom is one of the best ways to prevent STDs, monogamy is still number one. Being in a one-on-one relationship makes sex as safe as it is going to get.

Second on your “put a ring on it” list is what you expect from this relationship, yourself. If you don’t want to be part of his harem, then say so. Waiting for him to see you as the only someone he cannot live without is wasted time on your part. He can’t expect you to wait forever. If he wants to “be with the ladies,” then tell him he can’t be with this lady.

Third rule – if he doesn’t want you to be with others, he has to lay claim. This sounds like a plot line from a 1950’s movie but the truth is that he needs to let others know you two are exclusive as a couple. By doing this, he is putting an invisible ring on it. You need to do the same.

Number four is simplistic but so true. Remember those questions in school that required you to say either yes or no? Those were the only two answers allowed? Well it works for commitment too. He has to say one or the other; no maybe, no possibly, no I don’t know. Tell him to make a decision and stick with it. He wants you? Good. Then, he has to say yes.

The last one is for you. Do you really want him to “put a ring on it?” Do you want to put a ring on it? Are you ready to commit to him or are you just keeping him around for sex while waiting for someone better to come along? Hmmmm! Think carefully!

Dating is complicated enough and sex makes the complicated complicatingly crazy. If you like each other, if you want to “be one,” if this is it, if sex is mind-blowing and that good, then by all means-

Put that damn ring on it, honey!

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 © 2011 Copyright Kristen Houghton

Kristen Houghton is a fantastic Lifestyle journalist who writes for many media outlets, including The Huffington Post and OWN. She is also the author of the top-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First