Two Day Magazine

My dear friends, before we begin, I must let you know I am seriously considering legally changing my name to “Mia Bencivenga, Kardashian Rant Specialist.”

I mean, when you consider the amount of time I devote every week to the Kardashian Klan and their nonsensical reality television escapades, I could probably write a Psychology dissertation on the psychodynamic elements between Kris Jenner and her children.  However, because I wish to maintain some semblance of sanity within my own life, I’ll simply bitch about them via blog.  Depending on how you feel about this, you are welcome/I am very sorry.

But nonetheless, I shall go forth and, god willing, deliver one of my last blogs on Kim Kardashian and her now dismembered union with a Mister Kris Humphries.  

Her first mistake:  If your potential suitor has the same name as your mother, with the same exact “K” induced spelling, put on the brakes.  No one likes to call out their mother’s name in a moment of carnal passion; especially not for the rest of their LIFE.  I understand the Kardashian’s have a freakish obsession with injecting “K” into every name/word, (see above title for ironic emphasis) but you have to draw the line somewhere.  

Oh, excuse me, “someKwhere.”

But let’s be honest, we all know that it wasn’t mere wordplay that marked the beginning of the end of Kim and Kris’s love affair.  And I’m using the term “love” pretty loosely here, people.

In case you haven’t read Kim’s side of the story on her website, I shall spare you the trouble and paraphrase.

Kim claims that married for love.  Also, she adamantly denies the idea that this marriage was a sham to boost ratings and to make money.  Although she married for love, she acquiesces that she shouldn’t have gone through with the wedding.  She claims she got so caught up in the madness that she didn’t know how to end her relationship with Kris, and, out of fear of letting people down, proceeded with what she had always wanted; a fairy tale wedding.  She also says that she takes full responsibility for her actions, and is donating all of the money from the wedding gifts to a charity organization.

From a P.R. standpoint, all I have to say is, bravo.  It was a great statement; it came off as sincere, apologetic, and somber.  Despite my annoyance with the entire situation, it did make me feel a sprinkling of sympathy for her. I know that may be hard to believe, but please, let me elaborate.

Here is a girl who has gotten everything she ever wanted from life, with relatively minimal effort.  She is the most famous out of her three sisters, is extremely wealthy, has clothing stores, her own television show, fans, and is regarded as an extremely beautiful woman.  

She has everything, except what she says that she has always wanted; a husband and babies.

Then, she turned thirty.  Shortly after her birthday, if you recall, People magazine did a cover story on her, with the headline being “I Thought I’d be Married by Now.”  

Really People?  Really!?

Regardless of how ridiculous this all is, try to see it this way; to a girl who has nothing else to worry about except for her own happiness and her image; seeing your younger sister married before you, and you older sister already popping out kids must’ve made her feel quite anxious.  

If she was the most beautiful and the most famous, why couldn’t she get a guy?  Everything else had come so easily, why not a man and a family?

So in Kris Humphries comes, dribbling his basketball, looking vacant in the eyes with a slight air of douchebaggery, and for the sake of convenience, he was cast as Kim’s dashing suitor in the Kardashian Klan’s televised spectacle.  

Sure, he and Kim seemed to get along okay, their names sort of matched, and he was cute enough, I guess. Plus, he got her a big ring, which is half of what a girl who is obsessed with getting married really wants, after all.  So what if their relationship wasn’t that great?  Kim was so caught up in her own little fantastical day dream that she was willing to get married to just about anyone.  

Then the wedding came.  And once the glittering, overly priced dust had settled, Kim got pimp slapped by a gentleman named “reality.” She most likely came to realize that marriage isn’t just a ceremony or a dress; it’s a lifelong commitment to a person.  It’s a bond that is supposed to last for the rest of your life, not just until the camera’s stop rolling.  It’s a serious, intense thing, and a relationship must be extremely strong to weather it.  And even if they are strong, they can still fail.

Her problem is, like it is for many people who are obsessed with love and matrimony, that she got married for all of the wrong reasons.  

She got married because she was afraid she’d never find anyone else.  She got married because she couldn’t stand playing second fiddle to her younger sisters.  She got married because all of her life, she had dreamed of a wedding, and for once, she hadn’t gotten exactly what she wanted.

But here’s the thing; love and marriage aren’t like a career, a reality show, or a clothing line.  Just because you are beautiful and successful does not guarantee that you will find a man who you can spend the rest of your life with.  Just because you work hard in looking for someone doesn’t guarantee that you will find them.  You can’t order the perfect man off of a website or find one at a dealership, nor are you able to simply cast someone to play the part in your televised life and expect them to live up to that role.  It’s not something you can control.  And it’s not something that everyone finds.  

In all honesty, not everyone should find it.  Not everyone is meant to get married and to have kids.  But here’s the problem, when everyone is telling you that it’s something you must do, it messes with your head.  It makes those of us who aren’t cut out for life long partnership and monogamy force ourselves into relationships that are all wrong for us.  Eventually, these relationships either quickly or slowly die, leaving both parties feeling like failures.

So I suppose, if there is any lesson to be learned by yet another quickie Hollywood divorce, is that not every relationship is marriage material.  We need to have a better understanding of ourselves, and really try to understand what we want.  Otherwise, you can fall into the trap of playing into everyone else’s version of happiness.  And by doing that, you can set yourself up for a traumatizing experience.  

No one wants to get divorced after seventy two days, and yet, no one wants to be alone.  But then again, no one wants to be stuck in a miserable marriage forever.  People need to start learning that relationships aren’t the keys to true happiness.  Everyone finds their bliss in a different way, and we need to start giving people room to explore that.  

Otherwise, we’ll all just keep shaking our heads at women like Kim Kardashian, when in reality; maybe it’s our collective mindset that is to blame.

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Mia is currently experiencing insomnia, for every time she closes her eyes, she sees dancing, glittering "K"s and it is freaking her out. Tweet her ideas as to how to remedy this situation @miasminirants

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