Two Day Magazine

Amy Laurent on Love, Dating, and finding that Special Someone

I had the pleasure to talk with Amy Laurent, recently, who started her own matchmaking service after being disenchanted with her own matchmaking experience. She now runs a very successful company, Amy & Laurent International (ALI), and gave me some great insight into the real business of love.

Natalie Bencivenga: I recently did an article on the pros and cons of internet dating and how it compares to matchmaking. Have you ever had experience with internet dating?
Amy Laurent: I’ve actually had experience with both. I actually did internet dating before I started my company five years ago, so I know exactly what that process is. In my early and mid-20s I was using that, and then decided to use matchmakers.

NB: Did you find success with internet dating or was it a pain?
AL: It’s interesting, I found certain sites to be of higher quality than others. I have girls that come to me, telling me that they tried it for a week or two. I was overwhelmed with emails and weird guys. I call it the ‘wild west’ of dating. There are so many people doing it, and while there are people that meet and find success, it is a needle in a haystack. You need to have the time and energy to put into it. It takes a little bit of luck. It can work, but a matchmaker can weed out the herd. When you are internet dating, you don’t even know if the guy you are talking to is single! You have to do all the screening yourself. A lot of men that come to me just don’t have time to internet date.

NB: How did you get started with your business, Amy & Laurent International?
AL:  I’m really resourceful. I had relocated to LA after college for a job. I didn’t know very many people. I tried a few different internet dating sites. I didn’t want my dating pool to be limited. I saw these advertisements for matchmakers, and I thought, “Hey, this is a smart move. I am going to raise my chances and try it.” I was disappointed with my experience and after some time, I met people on my own, and gave it up. But, the idea always stuck with me. Eventually, I had a desire to cater to a younger demographic and open up my own agency. It was through my trials and tribulations that I got into this business.

NB: What did you want to improve on?
AL: I really felt that they were outdated, out of touch with what I needed. As I went on these dates, they seemed so far off from what I wanted. It needed a modern edge. I started my business at 28, and there weren’t any matchmakers even under 35. I could get the demographic of 25-early 40s. I understand what they need. For the men, a lot of them are first timers. They think matchmaking is for rich, older guys with money. They assume matchmaking is old-school but ALI is about busy professionals finding love. We are very age appropriate. I was reaching a demographic that hadn’t been tapped into.

NB: Can younger people afford matchmaking?
AL:  There are different types of dating services out there. Some are pricier than others. The standard membership for us is $10,000 for the year, no matter what your income level is. We want to reach a demographic of men who are successful and encourage them with a fair price. Yes, we are an organization, but we are very hands-on and very personalized. You will get the one-on-one tailored experience that you may not get other places. We have clients in NY, LA, the UK and Miami. I can work from wherever I am.

NB: How do you screen women? Do they pay like the men do?
AL: I have a team to recruit women and screen them. Any girl that comes through the agency I have met in person. I am constantly in social situations meeting women in my everyday life that find out I am a matchmaker want to be set up! They are single and brought in to meet clients. The women usually end up referring all of their friends. If I charged these incredible women, I wouldn’t be able to match them with my men. Any avenue where I can make connections happen, makes me and my clients happy.

NB: You seem so comfortable in your position. What qualities make you such a successful matchmaker?
AL: I am a people person. I won those positions because I have always have friends in all different social circles. I was friends with everybody in high school and college. I could connect and identify with something in each person. It’s a gift. It helps to be able to have meaningful connections with people from all walks of life.

NB: Do you worry that men or women who come to you looking for love and tell you that they don’t have enough time to date and need your help are the best candidates? Do you worry that they won’t be able active in the process of finding love?
AL: Well, they want to be active. They want me to narrow it down for the best candidates for them. They want to skip those “waste of time” first dates. I am a valuable tool because I know what women and men want. I am going to do the leg work. I will find you the best possible situation and strategically put you there.

NB: That makes a lot of sense. What is your procedure when you take on a new client?
AL: Everyone has their own method that works for them. My clients don’t want to internet date. People want hand-selected candidates for them, for one-on-one dates. When I sit with a client, I never work with someone that I feel is delusional. Meaning, they want a blow-up doll. I always sit down and ask what kind of person you need me to find. Is it reasonable. I work with all types of people. You just have to have a healthy, reasonable approach to dating.

NB: I totally agree! Now, let’s get to the good stuff. What are your top tips for when a man takes a woman out for a first date? Give me some good “woo” tips and things to avoid.
AL:  I always tell the guy to find out what area she lives in and go closer to her. It’s a nice gesture for the guy to travel a little further. I don’t recommend anyone bring anything to the first date. Not flowers. It’s too much. It’s sweet, but as a female, if a guy wants to do that, I tell them not to go overboard on the first date. Pull her chair out at dinner. Compliment her. Never, NEVER, ask her if she is dating anyone else! People don’t realize on a first date you have no right to ask that. Avoid that. Dress up. Show that you put some effort into your look. For the girl, guys really notice if you say thank you. The fact that you appreciate their effort makes a man notice. And, please, don’t talk about your ex. That’s a recipe for disaster! And finally, I always notice how people treat the wait staff. Manners are important.

NB: I really appreciate you giving your advice on love! Now, once two people decide to take the next step, what do you think is the appropriate length of time before the wedding plans are made?
AL: Everyone is different. I do not work with people who are determined to get married. It’s not a healthy way to approach dating. That being said, in the initial states of dating, let’s say 2 months, you can see whether it is going to build into something or not. You can tell if they are a future partner or not.  Usually 8 months to a year, you start having a talk if things are going well, about moving forward with marriage plans. For me, if you know that’s where you want to go, 6-8 months for an engagement is long enough and a year later you get married. But, I try to never encourage people to put a road map on these things. It’s better just to see what happens naturally.

For more information on Amy & Laurent International, go to: http://www.amylaurent.com
Amy Laurent now blogs for the Huffington Post.