Planning to meet your significant other’s parents this holiday season?
The good news is, your girlfriend/boyfriend feels ready to share you with their family! The possibly bad news is that sometimes meeting the ‘rents can be much less sitting around the fireplace sipping cocoa and a bit more Robert DeNiro in Meet The Parents – remember that cat who used the toilet?
It’s always good to be prepared for the worst, but it probably won’t be that bad. In fact, hopefully you will not need these tips at all, and you will be braiding your loved one’s mom’s hair while talking about your favorite recipes in no time.
1. Dress Appropriately:
How you dress in someone’s home is a sign of respect. What is fashionable to you or me, may appear disrespectful to others. Once I wore my most expensive pair of jeans to visit my granny, and although I thought I was very fashion forward, she did not find the slight tears (which I had probably paid an extra $100 for), to be a good look.
When it comes to visiting parents and relatives, erring on the conservative side is always a good move. While you should never change your personal style for someone else, choose items that you already have in your closet that are demure, classic, and comfortable.
2. Always Bring A Gift:
A gift is never out of line. Flowers, a scented candle, a bottle of wine or something simple is a nice gesture when visiting someone’s home or meeting them for the first time.
3. Stick to generic topics:
While a bit boring, the weather and other peaceful topics are a good way to kick off the conversation. Try to stay away from politics and your past during the first few meetings. Let them lead the way, and eventually the conversation can lead into more interesting topics like your art and travels. You can reveal more of your personality slowly as the conversation flows.
Do Not Give Away Too Much Information!
When you meet your s.o.’s parents, it is almost like you are dating them. Holiday time is NOT the time to tell them about your incarcerated brother. You may want to be up front and honest, but wait until your lover feels comfortable sharing more of your history and let them lead the way.
Let Any Insults Roll Off Your Back:
We can show a great deal about our strength as people by the way we react to others. Relatives have a knack for putting people down. Once I brought a new friend over to meet a relative of mine, and my relative made a snide comment about her choosing community college instead of going to a four year university. She reacted by smiling and later told me, “It’s ok, she was just seeing if she could get to me.” A very confident response!
Many times we can impress people who put us down by not validating their negativity, but rather responding with positive energy. I tried the same technique when I met a boyfriend’s parents once. We had attended a Stevie Nicks concert the week before, and when we sat down to lunch with my boyfriend’s dad he asked me how going to the concert came about. I explained that I got the tickets and was excited to go. He then leaned over his soup and said, “I knew my son was smarter than to pick a concert like that.”
I responded by laughing and needless to say, we had many, many more lunches with his father. Sometimes people are just playing a game with you. Don’t let them win! Win them over!
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Great advice! While I think the idea of always bringing a gift is great, a little research is a good idea: You don’t want to be remembered as the girl/boy who brought the flowers your s.o.‘s mom is allergic to, or the person who brought a bottle of wine to the dad who’s a recovering alcoholic! Showing a little thoughtfulness in the gift you bring can only help his/her family love you even more.