Two Day Magazine

We need a new label...

What do you call someone whom you are dating and who is not exactly "a girl or boy" anymore?

As we get older, the “boys and girls” become men and women in all other important aspects of their lives. Shouldn't there be a new, more mature “title", for people we date after we leave our twenties?

In the movie “Young Frankenstein” there is a hilarious scene where the definitely-over-70, Frau Blöuker, passionately confesses, to an astonished Young Doctor Frankenstein, her relationship with his grandfather.

    “Yes, yes, now you know! He vas my….boyfriend!”

Mel Brooks wrote that line because he knew it was funny. Calling someone a boyfriend or girlfriend after the age of seventy is, let’s face it, very funny.

I once worked with a woman in her late fifties who referred to the man in her life as her “fiancé”. No matter that there was no engagement ring, that they had been together for over eight years and had never set a wedding date, or that she really had no intention of marrying him. He was her fiancé. The word fiancé, she told me, is acceptable; she refused to call him her boyfriend.

“Honestly, he's a great sex partner but really, he is too far from boyhood for me to call him my boyfriend,” said this Princeton-educated woman. "So...I'll be engaged forever!"

Titles for those we date are difficult though. Expressions like “my sweetheart, my darling, my wonderful one” all sound like words in a sappy Hallmark card. You might as well introduce them as “this is my snookums.” Appropriate for the 1920’s, maybe, but definitely not in 2011.

The 1950's had the quaint titles of "my gentleman friend or my lady friend" which, today, conjures up images of a sexually repressed era. And, the expression significant other sounds too stilted and lacks true meaning.

But, modern as we may be in the 21st century we still hesitate saying - -
    
“Hi, meet Tiffany, the woman I’m sleeping with.”   
                             or
“This is James, the man with whom I'm having awesome sex!”     
                             or
“Hey! Everyone? I’d like to introduce you to my sex partner, Leslie.”

Europeans are more sophisticated when describing the adult significant other in their lives. The most common expression for lover in European languages is appropriately “my love” even though most of the time it isn't used. A friend of mine from France says that no title should be necessary for adult companions.

“It is assumed that you are a couple when you are seen together frequently. We simply introduce the person with whom we are sharing our life and our bed by their first name and smile.”

In America, we tend to assign titles to those in a relationships.  

My own personal favorite expression for couples comes from Jamaica. They call women my lady and men sir but it doesn't end there. The people on this beautiful island totally simplify things romantic by referring to their loves as “my man or my woman.”

At a resort in Jamaica and newly married, I wanted the nifty new titles of husband and wife. But, in reserving a table for dinner my conversation with the maitre d’ went something like this:
            
“How are you and your man this evening, my lady?”

“My husband and I are fine, thank you.”

“Would you and your man like an ocean-view table, my lady?”

“Yes, my husband and I would like that very much.”

 “Yes, my lady, and would you and your man like to know this evening’s entertainment schedule?”

“Yes, can you leave the schedule at the table for my husband?”

 “Yes, my lady, you and your man have a pleasant evening now.”

The concierge at the resort finally and politely explained it. She told me male and female companions are called by these terms because it is assumed that not everyone is married. The custom makes it less likely for anyone to make a potentially embarrassing mistake about your relationship. A little possessive sounding but very practical all the same.

As for me, I think I like the French way of introducing your man or woman. Say the name, smile mysteriously, and let everyone think whatever they want.

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© 2011 Copyright Kristen Houghton

Kristen Houghton is a fantastic Lifestyle journalist who writes for many media outlets, including The Huffington Post, More Magazine and OWN. She is also the author of the top-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First