Two Day Magazine

...Also Known as 21st Century Dating

Has anyone else noticed how casual dating has become? With all the pressures facing us in the modern world, whether it be paying off college loans, trying to find a job in this horrendous economy, balancing friendships with our work schedule and dealing with our own personal issues and struggles, it’s no wonder romantic relationships have taken a back seat! Instead, what seems to have replaced the ”dinner and a movie” on Saturday night is “after I get drinks with friends let’s hook up at my place.” How practical.

We have gotten to the point in our society where we don’t want to put much effort into anything. We stay in touch with friends through social networking, our cell phones are used more for texting than talking, we can get food through windows and some of us don’t even have to leave work to hit the gym. Everything is focused on being easy, convenient and fast. So, where does this leave courtship? (Can you believe I even wrote that?) The art of pursuing a lover, convincing that lover to be with you, romancing her or him, and sealing the deal seems like a thing of the past.

So, one must question, are “friends with benefits” the new way to date in our post-courting world? Let’s weigh the pros and cons of this convenient situation:

Pros:

It’s available: When two people decide that they want to be the other’s “go to” partner for those slow Saturday nights, it takes the pressure off of having to go out searching for a partner to entertain you that night. Because it’s ready and waiting, you can utilize your time on the weekends for friends and family and save the sex for late at night!

It’s comfortable: Sex is only as good as the people involved. In this instance, you already know each other’s bodies, thereby you know what your partner likes or doesn’t like. This makes the sex better and more enjoyable for you both. Nothing is worse than having an unfulfilling one night stand because you didn’t know one another’s bodies. This is a happy medium.

It’s uncomplicated: Because you both are living your own very busy lives, you have decided to take on only a sexual relationship with one another. Sure, you may chat a little bit before or after, and maybe you have known one another for a while, but the bottom line is, when you are done, you are done. They leave, you go to sleep, and you are both left sexually satisfied.

Cons:

It’s a crutch: Sometimes, when something becomes too available, too easy, it becomes like a safety net and prevents you from branching out and meeting new people. Being single and having a friend to call on for when you need that “fix” can limit your sexual experiences. Yes, at first it can be exciting to have a friend “on call” to be around for when you get that urge to merge, but after a while, this relationship can become dull and co-dependent.

It can be hazardous to your health: There is nothing wrong with being non-monogamous. However, when you are sleeping with more than one person at a time, there are always things to keep in mind. Be honest with your partners, let them know that you are not monogamous and fill them in on your sexual history. Is this too much for you? Too difficult to be honest about where you have been? Then, maybe friends with benefits isn’t for you. Your health isn’t a game and if you can’t be honest with your partner(s) about your sex life, maybe you aren’t ready for this.

It can get complicated: Sure, it’s all fun and games until someone falls in love. Which does happen, even when you lay the rules out clearly in the beginning! People’s feelings can change and when you are engaging in “couple-like” behavior, so don’t be surprised when things get messy.

So, the next time you are ready to involve yourself in a post-modern relationship, just remember...can you handle it? Are you really looking for pure sexual satisfaction with no strings attached or are you really just running away from a real relationship and all that it entails? Hook-ups are fine, they get the job done. But, after a while, if it starts to feel mechanical or forced, ask yourself this question. Is a life without romance really worth it? Because, in the end, love is all there is.