Two Day Magazine

Self Awareness is the First Step

Often times, when one is looking for love, the focus is exterior. We worry about how we look to potential partners, we worry about what we say, how to fit into their world, and we often times wear a mask to hide our imperfections, our fears, our flaws. When approaching dating in this way, it may be easier to find a partner, but then it becomes difficult to keep them.

One of my friends recently told me after a bad experience at speed dating that she was “done looking for love for a while and was going to wait for it to come looking for her.”

This statement piqued my interest. While I have heard that said many times before, I had never really taken in. Instead of approaching dating from the perspective of the other person, what about focus on what you need, desire and want, so that you attract that type of person into your life? This seems like a much more effective way to create a long and lasting bond with a future lover. Her statement started making a lot more sense to me.

Here are three steps you can take to improve your chances to finding a love that lasts.

The Golden Rule: Know Thyself.

How can you know what you want in another person if you are unaware or unsure of who you really are? A lot of people flounder in relationships because they are “trying to stick a square peg in a round hole”. (I love my Grandma’s pearls of wisdom.)

If you are constantly forcing a relationship to work, wanting to make it work, but it just seems as if you and the other person are not a good fit, then you are probably right. Instead of hitting your head against this wall, why not take a step back and contemplate your needs, your dreams, your goals. If you begin redirecting your energies from why these relationships don’t work, and focus more of your energy on how to better yourself and your own life, you will notice a sense of confidence come over you. This confidence and improved self-worth will be noticed by others around you, attracting the right type of person to yourself in a more natural way.

No Exceptions: Love Yourself.

Now that you have established a sense of identity and self-worth, it is important to nurture and commit to loving yourself. You show the world how you want to be treated, you have control over how others treat you, and you set the standard for behavior that you accept and expect in your relationships.

By surrounding yourself with ideas and people that complement your happiness, you will project that energy forward, making yourself desirable to someone else who shares those qualities.
Allow yourself to say, “I am worthy of love. I love myself and welcome people into my life who support me, nourish me, and love me for who I am.”

Healthy Partners Accept Love.

Dating someone who is kind, loving and thoughtful begins by being kind, loving and thoughtful. Just as dysfunction breeds dysfunction, a positive attitude and positive behavior breeds more of the same.

When you enter into a loving relationship, one must be aware that in order to give love, one must accept love, as well. Love is a two-way street and many people that I have talked to are afraid of receiving love out of fear of abandonment.

They want to love someone, they want to be in a healthy, long-term relationship, but they fear vulnerability, they fear intimacy. If you are still in this place, you have to first work on self-nurturing and self-loving before you get involved with someone else. Being in love means being open and being vulnerable. If you aren’t ready to commit to that emotion, pull back, review steps one and two above, and learn more about what makes you happy and how to create a positive environment for yourself.

Only when we have decided that we are worthy of love, that we deserve to be loved, and that we can give as well as accept love, can one truly flourish in a healthy relationship where both partners can focus on creating a stable, lasting and loving bond. Love is out there. You just have to give yourself permission to be a part of that world.