Is this seriously a question?
According to a study conducted by the oh-so-scientific Cosmopolitan magazine, one in five women would rather play on Facebook than with a partner. Yes, you read that correctly. 20% of women would prefer Farmville to Sexville any day.
To add insult to injury, 30% would rather continue texting on their cell phone than use those fingers for anything naughty.
The study polled 2,000 women about what they would be willing to sacrifice for one week, and sex was on the chopping block.
Perhaps, however, Cosmo magazine’s poll was skewed by a clearly younger demographic. Which leads me to wonder whether or not most young women aren’t having great sex to begin with, and therefore, are less inclined to care if they had to sacrifice said sex in order to continue Mafia Wars online.
Which begs the question: Are young women settling for so-so sex?
Contrary to popular belief, the younger generation of women coming up the ranks seem increasingly sexually conservative. Blame it on reality television, blame it on the sexual exploitation of young women in the media, blame it on the religious right...whatever the reason, it seems as though young women are less inclined to talk about sex in a “sex positive” way.
Speaking in a “sex positive” way starts with discussing sex without shame, without guilt and without fear of judgment. This, as one can imagine, is incredibly hard to come by.
Having met so many women from so many walks of life and discussing love, sex and relationships, I am intrigued by how much more open women in their 40’s are about sex and especially about self-pleasure.
Maybe when you hit a certain age, you stop finally caring about what everyone else wants and expects from you and you start living more for your own needs. Or, perhaps that generation of women were more heavily influenced by the progressive feminist movements of the 1960’s and 1970’s.
Whatever the reason, younger women seem less willing to open up about what pleases them. Because of that lack of communication between young women, a stigma seems to form around the women who are willing to talk frankly and openly about sex.
Many people may seem to think that since we live in such a oversexed culture that people are naturally more open to talking about sex and their desires. But, just because men and women are sexually exploited through the internet, print and television, does not mean that they are more open to discussing or enjoying sex in their actual lives. In fact, this culture can create a backlash as to which we are experiencing.
Hence, women preferring Facebook over sex.
Some may want to blame men for some women’s lack of sexual desire, but that is a cop-out. Everyone is responsible for their own pleasure. Of course, having a partner who is enthusiastic, open-minded and sexual always makes for a better lover, but you can’t blame someone else for not satisfying you in bed. You have to take control.
Learn what you like. Masturbate. Listen to your body. Speak up.
Once, many (many) moons ago, I asked my friend’s mother about sex. I asked her when she thought a girl was ready for sex.
She replied, “You know you are ready for sex when you speak up and tell the guy what you want in bed.”
After hearing that, I knew I wasn’t ready. (I was 15.)
But, those words stuck with me. It is disheartening to read a study or a poll such as this that suggests women would rather interact with a computer screen than with their lover.
All the negativity surrounding sex in our culture has made us afraid to take control and stand up for our desires and our needs. But, until we let go of the shame and guilt and begin to truly embrace our bodies, our natural desires and our sexual fantasies, we are going to be resigned to a life where the only people we interact with are digital ones.
I don’t care what anyone says, Facebook will not keep you warm during those long winter months ahead...
*****************************
Natalie Bencivenga wants to know...would you rather snuggle up to Farmville or a lover? Find her on Facebook to continue the conversation.
“Like” twodaymag on Facebook HERE
Into tweeting? So is Natalie! Tweet your thoughts about this article and others to: @NataliesTweets
.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
“Are young women settling for so-so sex?”
Well, that would take the pressure off of us men.
erikdolnack
This is a terrific article! Well said, Natalie!
Personally, I think much of the openness about sex and sexuality in women in their 40s (as opposed to younger women) is because of the time they were young (the 1960s/70s). Feminist women in the media, such as Gloria Steinem were educated and intelligent and led the way for many women to begin to talk very openly and honestly about their bodies and their wants and needs in the bedroom. That was a very liberating time (Rush Limbaugh prefers to refer to it as a “liberal” time, but I prefer to call it liberating because it liberated individuals from sexual repression and ignorance and fear and control by institutions.
Much of the 60s/70s liberation was a liberation from institutionalism. That “institutionalism” took the part in accepted wisdom on the part of family, society, traditionalism, and religion. The institutions were cultural, whereas the human body is natural. In many ways, the 60s was a huge eye-opener for many people: a true revolution where people began viewing life through natural lenses again, as opposed to strictly cultural ones all the time. In a very real sense, the 60s taught young people in the west to identify culture as culture, and also make them realize that they have the power to choose which culture they prefer, or create their own if they choose. The 60s gave people the hope that they COULD create a better world. Whether they did or not is another story, but the hope that they could choose to take that first crucial step was laid in the 60s.
Granted, many enlightened thinkers over the years predated the 60s, such as Gandhi who taught to “be the change you wish to see in the world”. Many, such as Dr Martin Luther King Jr led the way into the 60s and helped people to see things differently. It was a time that is still relevant today.
Today’s young women would all do well to study the Feminists of yesteryear and see them not as antiquated or “old school” but as great thinkers who have much to say about women, about rights, about citizenship in society, and about womens bodies.
That any grown adult would prefer Facebook to sex is a very clear signal of abnormality. Obviously, we have an obsession here, and no obsessions are healthy. I can understand developing an addiction to a substance such as heroin or meth (that make the user feel tremendous rushes of euphoria), but I cannot understand an addiction to FarmVille, sorry. If FarmVille has replaced LSD and cocaine as the 2010s drug of choice, then we’re one extremely lame and pathetic decade in this man’s opinion!