Two Day Magazine

Dating As the Person You Really Are...

Being in New York, you would think the women there would be powerful, aggressive, and intense. At least, these were my thoughts when I first started traveling up to New York a few years ago. I assumed every woman was  like Carrie Bradshaw or Samantha Jones, running around New York, independent women who change lovers like they change their Manolos, but I was so wrong!

Instead, what I have found from being around these intelligent, eccentric and love-able women, is that many of them believe that if they truly embrace who they are, they will not be able to land a man in this so-called “lost boys” world of New York City. The women out number the men, and so there is this sense of frustration and annoyance that you can feel from the women living there. Not all of them, of course, but there is a certain tension that I have experienced only in my times in New York.

For example, walking down the street of New York, it isn’t shocking to see a beautiful young woman on the arm of a scruffy guy (most likely a hipster musician or painter) and you can often over hear the conversation of her fawning all over him while he acts dismissive towards her. Or, the times I have met boys that went to Yale and Harvard, and how shocked they all seemed to be when I could formulate a complete sentence. Like I was a novelty. This struck me as strange, considering there are a ton of intellectual women living on this tiny island, and yet, after a few verbal exchanges, they ditched me for a tall, thin blond who hardly uttered a sound.

I have often had long discussions with my wonderful friends (who are smart, sassy and single) and let me tell you, there seems to be a big disconnect happening in the Big Apple. It seems that in order to land a man, young women are playing down their intelligence, playing down their ambitions, playing down their quirkiness or their funny sense of humor, all to get a boyfriend. I have even heard women tell me that the reason they moved to NYC was to land a husband.

This also struck me as strange. This isn’t like the fluffy television shows some of us grew up watching, this is reality. And, in reality, I thought men appreciated women for who they really were? But, maybe I was mistaken. Are we supposed to be fem-bots to land a man? And, what kind of man wants a fem-bot, anyway? If that’s the price to pay for a lover, I’ll be stocking up on those double-AA batteries, if you know what I’m sayin’.

I truly believe that when it comes to relationships, being yourself is the only way to go. Sure, I could play the role of the dutiful girlfriend who merely exists to make her man happy, but then I would be miserable! I don’t want to pretend that I don’t like to laugh at myself, I don’t want to pretend that reading isn’t one of my most favorite hobbies in the world and I certainly don’t want to pretend that I don’t have an opinion or enjoy the banter. The sexual energy for me starts in my brain. If I am stimulated intellectually, often times, the rest follows!

So, my question is, am I alone in feeling this way? Are we all so stifled by the restrictions that we have place upon ourselves with all the rules and ways we are supposed to act? What if we all just (gasp) were ourselves? Wouldn’t that make dating so much easier? If we weren’t so afraid to say what we feel, be who we are, accept that we are flawed, that others are flawed and it’s what makes us love-able? I just can’t be confined to behaving a certain way to appease another person and why should any of us?

Can’t we take our differences in stride and realize that what makes us beautiful is our uniqueness? I don’t want to be a carbon-copy of anyone because some shiny magazine on the shelf at the grocery store tells me that’s the way to win a lover. You will attract people that love the authentic you. There’s only one YOU in the whole wide world, so embrace yourself and you will find someone that enjoys embracing you, too!