Two Day Magazine

Your Lover May Be More Like You Than You Think...

We’ve all seen those couples walking around together and have thought at one time or another, “What are those two doing together?”

Whether they looked drastically different or had completely different energies, sometimes it just doesn’t seem to make any sense what brings certain people together, in a romantic sense.

Then, you have to wonder, is it best to date someone that is very different from you? Not necessarily in a physical way, but it is good (for example) to date a night owl if you get up at five in the morning every day? Is it smart to be with someone who has little patience for children and all you can dream about is having a big family? What is the benefit of dating someone who looks at life in a very different way than you?

Many people will say that dating someone who has a different perspective on life is a positive thing for the relationship. If people are too similar, there is the argument that the relationship will become boring and eventually fizzle out. But, is there something to be said for dating someone who’s lifestyle and vision of the future is similar to your own? Will this make for a better long-term or married relationship?

Spouses often times seem similar, but why is that? Do they start out that way or do they slowly morph into each other’s personalities?

In the November edition of the journal, Personality and Individual Differences, researchers took on the idea of “opposites attrach”, and decided to search for a quantitative answer.

The current work analyzed the data of 1,296 married couples who had been married between 2-19 years.

The couples answered 198 questions to assess their behavior and personalities. These questions included how sociable the person was, how ambitious, how sensitive they are and if they are prone to physical violence.

What was the result?

Apparently, opposites don’t attract. There was no link between the similarity of personalities within the couples and the length that they have been together in the relationship. In other words, partner similarity comes from choosing a partner that is similar to you.

“This could reflect spouses’ influence on each other over time, or this could be what attracted them to each other in the first place,” states study author Mikhila Humbard, a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology at Michigan State University.

Keep this in mind the next time you meet someone and they have similar interests. Don’t write them off as predictable or boring. Think of them as a mirror reflection of your interests and enjoy meeting someone that you can have fun with, have great conversation with, and have the same vision of the future with. In the end, great relationships stem from a mutual understand, respect and appreciation of similar ideas.