Two Day Magazine

...Don't Make it Any Worse Than it Has to Be

I answered an advice question today that involved a woman who couldn’t seem to find the right time to break it off with her beau. While getting into a relationship is usually a lot more fun and exciting than getting out of one, sometimes breaking up is a necessity and part of the dating process. How can you know what you DO like in a mate until you know what you DON’T like? Follow these tips to help ensure a drama-free end to your relationship:

End Your Relationship First BEFORE Taking a New Lover.

It happens. You meet someone new, sparks fly, the sexual energy is high, and all you can think of is getting them naked. Oh, wait. You have a partner. It doesn’t matter if you are planning on leaving them, you need to leave them before you indulge in your sexual fantasy with your new playmate. If they find out that you are cheating, you are just asking for drama and chaos in your life. By ending your relationship before taking on a new one shows a sense of propriety and respect for your soon-to-be ex.

Privacy, Please.

No one needs to witness a break-up. (Okay, I admit, they are entertaining to watch if you can catch one happening in public.) And, for that very reason, you should break-up in the privacy of a home. I don’t need to be entertained by a very personal situation being made public, and let’s be honest, getting dumped in public is the worst kind of humiliation. Let them take in the moment where they feel safe and comfortable, instead of in a place where people may be watching or whispering.

Rip That Band-Aid Off Quickly.

Yes, it can be painful to break up with someone. Whether your incompatible, someone was unfaithful, or it’s just time to move on, there is not a reason in the world that will make the one being dumped feel any better. So, don’t delay the inevitable.They may become upset, they may cry or yell, but that’s part of the process. No one wants to be told that they aren’t wanted anymore, so however you decide to tell your soon-to-be ex that you want out, just remember, a little compassion goes a long way. I’m sure at some point or another you have had your heart broken, so keep that in mind when you tell them you’re leaving. Be honest, but not brutally so.

Closed Mouth, Open Ears.

Listen to your partner after you share how you feel. They may want to voice their own concerns, frustrations or ask questions. Perhaps this blindsided them and they need proper closure. By allowing them to have their say, express their feelings and get to the bottom of why your relationship fell apart, you can both learn from the experience and take what you discover to help nurture future relationships.

Exit Gracefully.

Chairs do not need to be thrown, cops do not need to be called. There is no need to work your lover into a tizzy (and not the fun kind). Why pick a fight with someone you are planning on leaving, anyway? It’s childish and self-important. Drama only begets drama. You want to look back on your relationship with fond memories, not an image of you both screaming in each other’s faces. You don’t need to give them a laundry list of everything that you have done for them over the months or years that you were together. Let bygones be bygones and move forward in your life away from any and all negativity holding you down. Begin with letting go of any frustrations you had with your ex. They are a thing of the past now, so step out of your history and into a bright future.