Two Day Magazine

Getting Married—Our Own Way

In 2007, I got engaged and nearly had a nervous breakdown while pursuing a career that I did not like, and planning a type of wedding that I did not want.

In 2008, I went to six weddings, ranging from an intimate gathering at the local Justice of the Peace to a full Catholic ceremony and reception with 350 guests. I told myself that instead of planning to get married in 2008, I would use that year to observe other people’s weddings so I could get an idea of what I really wanted to do.

By the time the last wedding arrived at the end of October, my fiancé and I were still feeling very ambivalent about what we wanted for our wedding. We knew what we didn’t want: tons of people, loads of drama, and frivolous spending. We were also unsure about the traditions that we would incorporate into our ceremony. I was having difficulty shaking the urge to have a large, Catholic ceremony because that is the tradition on both sides of my family. However, when my fiancé and I reflected on the reasons why I wanted this so badly, we realized that I was simply afraid to veer off of the beaten path. Additionally, we realized the hypocrisy of getting married in a tradition that did not coincide with our shared values.

During our contemplation, the only important idea that stood out to us was the fact that we simply wanted to get married, and sooner rather than later. On Thanksgiving night, my mom and I delved into the marriage discussion as we had during all of our previous conversations that year. Instead of hedging around the topic as I had in the past, the words practically flew out of my mouth.

“We want to have a small wedding. We think we might even want to get married at our house. And, I think we want to do it on Valentine’s Day. It’s romantic and it’s on a Saturday.” Aaaah, ever the sensible sentimentalist.

Since that tryptophan induced conversation with my mother, it was as though the fast forward button has been pressed on our lives. The date approached at a rapid rate, yet I could not be happier. We got married in our living room and I tossed my bouquet off of the back porch into a snow covered lawn. The single female guests were advised to bring boots.

We’re not planning an immediate honeymoon because it’s simply not feasible right now. And, we’re not sorry that we broke tradition to create our own form of celebration.

When I reminisce about our engagement, I somehow feel that all of the events of the past perfectly prepared me to enter into marriage. Together, my fiancé and I chose to move to a section of the city that offers us both professional convenience and personal benefits.

I completed school, only to find myself in an altogether different profession that I love. Most of all, in the past year, we have developed a life together that was created and informed by everything except a looming wedding date.

And that, my friends, is the icing on the cake.