Two Day Magazine

“Falling in love again...I never wanted to...what am I to do...I can’t help it...”

Marlene Dietrich sings one of my most favorite love songs, “Falling in Love Again”, in the 1930 film, Blue Angel, with such warmth and sadness in her voice that it inspired me to think about the nature of love and how we fall for one another in what seems like a magical moment.

There are those of us who take a long time to fall in love. We are careful with our hearts and hold our emotions close. We don’t expect love to enter our lives, and are therefore surprised when someone falls for us. Those that love this way find it to be a crescendo of colorful notes and poignant moments often times leading to a long and fulfilling relationship; both people know who they are and understand that the other person cannot make them happy, only complement their own happiness.

Others, however, don’t experience love in this way. They play this game fast and furious, often times revealing too much about themselves and expecting emotional fireworks on the first date. Some people seem to fall in love with every person that they date, making love seem cheap and easy to obtain, and also fleeting.

When Dietrich sings the line, “I can’t help it” there is a defeated quality in her vocals, a sense that she has, of course, tried to fight the feeling (once again), but realizes how futile that decision is, and so she succumbs to the splendor of her emotion. We all love to be in love. The feeling you get when experiencing that type of passion and excitement can be seductive and put us into a trance-like state where our new partner can do no wrong. In fact, they even walk on water!

But, I am here to tell you that your partner does not in fact walk on water, and that while Ke$ha may believe “Your Love is My Drug” (I’m really into the musical themes today) there is reason to be a bit of a love skeptic from time to time. (Cue the hate mail.) When you start to feel that “I Think I am in Love With You” (classic Jessica Simpson) moment in your heart, answer these questions and decide for yourself whether you are truly in love with a bonafide real person or are you a love-aholic?

Do You Often Fantasize About Meeting “The One”?

By overanalyzing every potential mate and trying to fit them into the nice little mental picture of “what your lover is supposed to be”, you are setting yourself up for failure in your relationship. Sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us something about ourselves, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you are destined to be together, or fall in love. Making yourself search for the perfect soulmate is not only going to drive you crazy, but it is also going to drive away any potential good matches because desperate is never sexy.

Is Every New Relationship “Perfect”?

Every time you meet someone, do you find them to be absolutely, positively perfect? They are wonderful, amazing, never upset you, never challenge you, never frustrate you? Who is this person? (Because I would really love to meet them!)

All kidding aside, by pretending to have a perfect partner, by denying that this a real person and not a robot or blow-up doll, you are losing out knowing your partner. Real means not always pretty, not always nice, not always fun. People are not machines. They have bad days, they have emotional outbursts, they even have moments of unexplained behavior. But, that’s okay. That’s what makes us interesting, human and entertaining. How boring it would be to always be perfect and to always date someone who tries to act perfect. If you can’t let go, you can’t find out who someone really is. And, that would be a real shame.

Is Love a Necessity in Every Relationship?

Do you need to fall in love on the first date or does the relationship become unsatisfying? By putting all of this unneeded pressure on yourself and your partner, you are missing out on all of the fun that can transpire when you first start dating someone. There is a sense of spontaneity mixed with fear and exhilaration when you meet someone that you really click with. You don’t have to fall in love with everyone that you encounter on this road of life. Sometimes, a beautiful journey can last a weekend, or a month, or even one night. When you try to force an emotion into existence, you will be met with resistance and frustration. So, why do that to yourself? Take each relationship for what it is and learn to relax and have fun with dating!

So, if you answered “yes” to one or more questions above, really take stock about what you are doing with your love life. Love is a powerful and life changing emotion that can shake people to their core and transform their existence. Don’t throw this word around so easily or so quickly. Love can leave as quickly as it arrived, so get to truly know the one you are with before taking that next big step and expressing your feelings with the most powerful three words on the planet: I Love You.