Two Day Magazine

Fear of Commitment + Economic Woes = Decline in Marriage

Divorced? Never been married? Live alone?

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, take note: You are not alone.

Married couples are no longer the majority, according to information released last week by the U.S. Census Bureau. The 2010 Census shows that married couples represent 48 percent of all households — down from 52 percent just 10 years ago.

A Portland State University researcher gave two reasons for this trend — a fast-growing older population is divorcing or outliving a spouse and 20-somethings aren’t getting married.

"People in their 20s are postponing marriage for many reasons, including money," demographer Charles Rynerson said to the Associated Press. "We also have an aging population, so there's more people living alone."

Among other things, the AP story suggests the economy has played a role in this blow to the traditional American tale. 

I’ll agree that economic concerns, including job security, are major factors to people’s hesitance to get hitched.

But, I can’t help to wonder how much our society’s focus on things other than marriage is to blame, including a fear of commitment. Our mindset has changed.

We strive to be an all-around person, focusing on succeeding in our careers, our volunteer work and in our social life. These are issues June Cleaver never had to worry about.

So, it seems highly unlikely that major milestone wedding anniversaries will be celebrated like that of Ann and Harry Butcher, both 94, of Sewickley, Pa., who were married 60 years ago last week.

In the story, Ann Butcher said couples today aren’t willing to work toward marriage.

"People aren't patient enough now,” she said. “Back then, divorce was a disgrace.”

In last week’s column, I touched on how we’ve become a society dependent upon instant gratification. If a relationship isn’t exactly how we want it at that moment, we’re no longer interested. And, we’re not willing to work to make a relationship better, either.

Of course, without a strong relationship, what’s the point of marriage? It seems marriage just isn’t part of the plan for many folks. Sure, we’re still living with the opposite sex and having children. But, we’re doing so — for better or worse — without being tied down in a marriage.

So we want to be loved, we want to love and we want to reap the emotional benefits of marriage without committing to one.

Growing up, I learned what divorce was through my uncle’s failed marriage and through a number of friends whose family lives were split between mom’s house and dad’s house. It seemed as though my (sometimes happily) married parents were an anomaly.

While my parents near their 30-year anniversary, it’s safe to say the ride hasn’t been filled with sunshine and roses for them. They’ve had their fair share of blow-ups along the way — some fit for a daytime soap story, but most they’d sooner forget.

There were times I’d ask my mother if divorce was an option.

She’d usually reply with something like, “Just because you fight, doesn’t mean you give up.”

And, she’s right. At 28, I’ve already witnessed friends end marriages in under one or two years of tying the knot with most claiming they couldn’t get along.

So, when I see my generation less likely to enter into a marriage, I think of my parents’ relationship and how there have been many times where it could have ended — especially by today’s standards.

I still can’t help but wonder if the declining rate of marriage isn’t due to economic issues, but rather to a generation’s inability to deal with a fear of failure. If the only examples my generation has had has been a 50-percent divorce rate of their parents, it’s no wonder they’re afraid to fail.

But, times are different than they were 60 years ago for Harry and Ann Butcher.

Marriage just doesn’t hold the clout it once did.

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Can't get enough of our new weekly columnist, Pittsburgh journalist, Bobby Cherry? Keep up with Bobby on his website www.gobobbo.com!