Two Day Magazine

Life is Meant to Be Enjoyed...Not Feared...

I am not advocating that people should get divorced because things got tough in their marriage. Being married is work. You have this very delicate relationship that needs nurturing, that needs love, that needs attention. But, sometimes, staying married isn’t what is best for either person and you reach the end of the road. So, if you are having a hard time facing the fact that it is over, remember these five bad reasons for staying together. If you recognize yourself in any of them, maybe it is time to move on...

1. Moola. Staying with someone for money basically strips you of all of your power as a human being. You are throwing in the towel, saying, “I am worth (this much--enter number) and now have equated yourself to the value of a car or home. Humans are incredibly adaptable creatures, and you will find light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, things may be financially difficult at first until you find your groove again, but you will bounce back. Don’t let yourself become objectified and demeaned by allowing someone to basically “own” you. Eventually, you will buy into your own hype and lose all sense of self and value.

2. Children. Yes, this is sad. No one wants to put their children through a divorce. No one wants to subject their kids to a broken home. But, do you know what’s worse than a broken home? A violent home. Even if you aren’t physically attacking each other, kids are super intuitive and can pick up on our energy. If we are angry with our spouse, resentful of them, and not in love with them, anymore, our kids will see this as their example of a normal relationship, and it isn’t. It is completely dysfunctional and no child should have to witness day in and day out their parents fighting or not speaking to one another. We show people how we want to be treated and if our children see us allowing someone else to be abusive or combative with us, they will absorb that into their own psyche. This is not an environment fit for children.

3. Fear of Being Alone: There is something way worse than being alone. That would be being miserable! I would much rather being a single woman (or man) than be in a relationship that stressed me out, made me sad on a daily basis, or made me angry. Why on earth would you want to subject yourself to being unhappy day in and day out when there are so many possibilities in the world to find happiness? Especially in this day and age, where there are no rules when it comes to dating, I would much rather take a risk at being happy, then spend one more second wallowing in misery.

4. Ego: We grow up in a society that preaches to us “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” But, that only really holds true for high school sport teams. In the real world, life is much more complex and we can’t equate things to being right or wrong so easily. If you are afraid of looking like a failure, you need to tell your ego to calm down and take control of the situation. You are not a failure. Sometimes, relationships run their course and there is no more growth and evolution that will take place for you or your partner in that relationship. Just like we outgrown our clothes, sometimes we outgrow our lovers. No one else is in your relationship but the two of you, so why are you allowing fear of what other people will think and your own ego dictate the rules of your life? It is time to stand up for yourself and allow yourself to evolve into the person you were meant to be--even if that means growing alone.

5. Guilty Conscience: What if you have fallen out of love with your spouse, or worse yet, have fallen in love with someone else? What if you are worried that your spouse won’t be able to move on without you, or that your family will be disappointed in you? There are a million reasons to feel guilty over leaving your lover, especially when they haven’t really done anything wrong, it’s just that the relationship has changed into something that you can no longer be a part of. This happens, and it’s okay to move forward. You aren’t going to do any good for your spouse if you turn into a resentful, frigid, miserable partner. Love is a two-way street in a marriage, and if you find yourself not in love with your lover, anymore, well, there isn’t much else to do except go your seperate ways. Think of the guilt you would feel if you did stay and they knew you were only staying out of pity. Yuck, that would hurt way worse.

There are a lot of reasons that people choose to get married, and there are plenty of reasons people get divorced. But, remember, relationships are based in emotion, and emotion is fluid. Sometimes, in life, things don’t always go according to your plan, and guess what? The best thing to do is just go with the flow.