Two Day Magazine

Read It. Learn It. Live It.

It’s true. Men can get turned-off just as easily by the things you say to us. So, be careful. One wrong move ( like the ones below) and you will be saying things like, “Table for one,” instead.

1. “Oh, We Are Going Here?” (Sigh)

Complain About the Place You Are at but Offer No Solutions.
Few things in life are more obnoxious than this. As a guy, we actually do want to make you happy, so when we are debating on a place to go, we want your input. That is, unless all you're going to do is bitch. It's fine if you don't like the place we've chosen, but typically you should offer some solution after the criticism.
"I hate this place."
"Well where would you like to go?"
"I don't know."
Yeah, of course you don't. This also applies to simply looking miserable. You don't always have to actually say anything to voice your dissatisfaction with our choice of venue.

2. Talk Incessantly About Your Ex.

During the "getting to know you" phase of a relationship it is only natural to talk about your past experiences as they helped shape you into who you are today. However, there is a limit to this. If everything I do is compared to your ex it is clear that you are constantly thinking about him... and clear why he dumped you. All this is going to do is make me want to buy him a beer and complain about you with him behind your back.

3. “I Hate My Thighs...Do You Think I’m Fat?”

Talk incessantly about your body.
This just reeks of low self esteem. Us guys are largely visual creatures. If we didn't find you attractive, then we would not have wanted to be with you in the first place. If you continually point out any physical flaws in yourself we are eventually going to start agreeing with you. You don't want that, trust me. The truth is, we probably never noticed your “fat” thighs, and what you consider fat and what we consider fat are two totally different things. So relax, already.

4. Constantly bitch about your friends.

What are you hoping to convey by this? Your friends occasionally pissing you off is part of life, but if you are constantly bitching about them, all it says about you is, "I am a horrible judge of character and am incapable of surrounding myself with decent people I get along with."
I realize you've chosen to spend time with me, but, hey, even the dumbest of us get lucky once in a while.

5. “Your Friend is a Moron.”

Bash his friends or family.
He didn't get to choose his family and he chose his friends for a reason. Also, chances are he has known his friends longer than he has known you. This not not a hill you want to die on. Trust me.

6. Tell Him "It's Only a Game" When His Favorite Team Loses.

No, it is not only a game. Guys are so restricted in where we can show emotions in our society that we have no choice but to project them on to our sports teams. Here are a few of the most tragic things in my own life (in order):
Losing a friend or family member.
2) Losing a pet.
The Buffalo Bills/Sabres losing.
Losing my job.......
17) Breaking up with my girlfriend. I understand you are trying to put things in perspective, but you're not.

7. When Invited Out, Ask, "Who Will Be There?"

Well, so far Brad Pitt, Keira Knightly and that sickly dude from Twilight said “yes”. I invited Justin Bieber but he's not old enough to get into the bar so I doubt I'll hear back from him. Seriously? I invited you out so clearly I am going to be there. Is that not enough for you? Could you be more insulting?

8. “Maybe.”

Maybe means no. Just say no, saying maybe is a cowardly way to say no. It's like breaking up with somebody and telling them you still want to be friends. When we beak up we are not friends. You could put these two together for the uber combo, "Maybe we could still be friends." Ugh.

9. “Don't Worry, He's Like a Brother to Me.”

Yeah? Does he know that? Chances are most of your guy friends are simply stuck in your "friend zone" and foolishly think if they hang around long enough you'll sleep with them. There are few things I hate more than when I start dating a girl and she assumes I'm going to instantly get along with all her guy friends. Yes, I will win them over, but right off the bat, I'm a rival of theirs and they are thinking,
"Who the hell is this guy? I've been trying to get with this chick forever and he just comes out nowhere?"
Yes I did, deal with it. And, they always do because they hope when you and I are done (most likely when you tell me "it's just a game" after one of the Bills many losses) he'll have another shot. Still, it always makes for an awkward night.

10. “Will You Help Me Move?”

Moving sucks. The only thing worse than moving is helping somebody else move and the only thing worse than that is helping a girl move. This is what movers are for. They are replacement boyfriends in this situation. I'm not advocating that you never ask for help when you move, but I've helped a few girls move in my day and rarely have I worked harder for less reward. Typically when she's not too busy texting, she's yelling at you to be careful with whatever stupid giant glass something or other you're busting you ass to get down the stairs.
"Watch out for the walls!"
"Don't drop that!"
Oh wow, good thing you told me, I assumed you wanted everything in your new place smashed to hell. What do you get in the end? Usually some fake sincere comment like, "I couldn't have done it without you."
Yeah? Next time you get to prove that.