Two Day Magazine

Because Love Never Hurts

What is Sexual Assault?

I logged into Facebook and started reading the threads people had posted. A friend of mine who lives in Portland, made a comment about Al Gore and the recent allegations towards him that he sexually assaulted a masseuse while staying in a hotel in Portland in 2006.

The claims are as follows: while the masseuse was massaging the abdominal area, she states that Gore ask that she go lower and guided her hand down, in which she refused. Later on, she tried to pack her stuff and leave and he grabbed her in what she described as an “inescapable embrace” and “caressed” her “back and buttocks and breasts.” She repeatedly tried to let go of his embrace, but continued persist. As the reported abuse continued, he flipped her on her back and “threw his whole body face down over atop” her. She describes it as a struggle to finally pin him off of her.
    
This little thread on Facebook raised some serious questions about what it means to be sexually assaulted and if women have taken too much liberty with the term sexual assault and have turned into something it isn’t.

So, I took it upon myself to find out the literal definition of sexual assault. The National Women’s Health Information Center under the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services defines sexual assault as such:

Sexual assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention. Examples of this are: voyeurism (when someone watches private sexual acts), exhibitionism (when someone exposes him/herself in public), incest (sexual contact between family members), and sexual harassment. It can happen in different situations: in the home by someone you know, on a date, or by a stranger in an isolated place.

It seems simple: a stranger says something lewd that makes you uncomfortable, someone touches you in a place that is a sensitive area for you and makes you uncomfortable, or someone could look at you funny and make you uncomfortable. Some women have made millions of dollars suing their bosses for making “inappropriate” comments (I could be a billionaire).

The definition in itself is very broad. As one of the people on the thread responded, “If an unwanted sexual advance is considered sexual assault, I'm never going to another bar again!”

I thought about it more and recounted a couple times where I felt like my personal space had been invaded while at a bar. As I walked out the restroom once, a boy (I call him a boy because acts like this are childish at best) took it upon himself to grab my butt. I turned around, looked at him, slapped him in the face, then walked off. It probably wasn’t in my best interest to slap him, because one, he either could have gotten violent with me, or two, he might have gotten off on that. Who knows. Other times boys have made extremely lewd comments that made me uncomfortable and I wasn’t at a bar where alcohol influenced this behavior:

It has been at the gym, while walking on campus or down the street. This type of behavior happens ALL the time. But, should I charge every guy who makes an inappropriate comment or touches me when I don’t want to be touched with sexual assault?

Truthfully, no. It’s not because I don’t find this behavior insulting or deplorable. But, we can’t jail every asshole at the bar. It doesn’t make logistical sense.

I cannot say this without saying terrible, but as women, we need to learn how to deal with behavior that makes us uncomfortable. It might seem unfair. It might seem like justice is not in our favor. But, that’s not the case.

The power we have is subtle. The power comes in educating ourselves and knowing our legal rights, knowing where to find resources concerning sexual assault, learning how to handle ourselves in these types of situations, being careful about the positions we put ourselves in, standing together and making a statement that as women we won’t tolerate certain behavior.

And, you know what this means as well? It means not wearing a dress at the bar that leaves literally nothing to the imagination, then getting angry with a guy for staring or saying something. It means not purchasing certain magazines that promote only sex crazed ideas that women are sexual objects and men are supposed to be the aggressors.

It means being vocal and what it comes down to is educating ourselves on how to protect ourselves when situations like this do occur. What do you do when someone touches you inappropriately?

You simply say, “No, you are not allowed to do that.”

If the assaulter persists, depending on the environment, you call the police or leave. You have to go into survival mode. As one woman stated on the Facebook thread, “I sure hope I would raise my daughter to tell a man to go fuck himself if she felt invaded in some way.”

Often times people don’t press charges out of fear, so the silence weighs down on them and they live with the guilt and shame of what happened. That should never happen. I never pressed charges against a man who raped me because I was afraid. I also regret other times when I know I should have said something when I felt uncomfortable or should have tried to get myself out of that particular situation.

But, I didn’t.

And, those guys probably thought, “Well, if I can get away with this behavior with her, who else will let me get away with this?”

Silence will only perpetuate this problem and if we don’t make ourselves clear on what is acceptable and what isn’t, well, I suppose we’ll continue hearing more and more stories such as the Al Gore one. I don’t want to read anymore Facebook threads like that. I’d rather read about someone who saw someone walking down the street wearing an ape costume.

RESOURCES:

www.loveisnotabuse.com

www.knowmoresaymore.org

www.nsvrc.org

www.rainn.org

http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/sexual-assault.cfm

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