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The Hollywood Outsider: Gaga VS Tinkerbell

Welcome to The Hollywood Outsider!

For those of you who don’t know, this is  twoday's weekly look at all the hot news to come out of Tinsel Town by a guy who no real interest in any of it and until recently thought a Suri Cruise was something rich people did with their boats.

Your humble contributor celebrated another one of Earth's trips around the sun since he's been around, and Apple announced something really cool for all of us (a new iPhone), right before announcing something really sad for all of us (more on that later).

Well now that's out of the way, let's get to the news that matters!

Lifetime Tries To Green-light Movie About The Life Of Lady Gaga

In a fun bit of news, it appears that the Lifetime network is working on getting the green light to begin production on a movie featuring the life of one Lady of Gaga.

The thing the Outsider finds most interesting is that this project is being pursued by Lifetime. And guess who owns Lifetime? Disney! Does this mean Disney owns the rights to Lady Gaga's life story? What would the possible ramifications of such a corporate marriage be?

Even better, would this open the door for Gaga to become a type of Disney character?!

Would dozens of 20-year-old Disney College Program girls (or "Mickey's Work Camp" as the Outsider lovingly referred to it when he was employed by said program) making $6.25 an hour be forced to dress themselves in raw meat and wander around a theme park on a hot August day in the middle of Florida?

Think of yourself ignoring the stench of rotting flesh and enduring the increasing collection of flies upon you as you force a smile and sign autographs for young children, who themselves, are thus so inspired to do that same job someday while being completely ignorant of the long hours, low pay and rampant spread of venereal diseases that accompany said program?

The possibilities are endless!

Admit it, the story behind the story here is far more interesting that watching the dramatization of a woman being dumped by her boyfriend, writing a cheap song about it and singing said song onstage dressed like some kind of giant cat toy.

Let's now move from the Monster to the Demon.

Gene Simmons Gets Hitched!

FYI- Those heating and cooling repair trucks you've seen going in and out of Hell recently are there to fix the furnace, as the place has completely frozen over.

Gene Simmons is married.

After having all of his dirty laundry (all but his actual dirty laundry) aired out on his reality show, Gene Simmon's Family Jewels, last season, the Demon, who has had a long standing feud with the concept of marriage, finally gave in and married life partner and mother of his children, Shannon Tweed.

The Outsider can admit that Family Jewels is one of the few reality shows he has actually seen and enjoyed. The others were half a season of American Idol when one of his friends was competing, and four episodes of The T.O. Show after he and VH1 President, Tom Calderone, once bonded over coffee and a mutual masochistic love of the Buffalo Bills (true story).

Simmon's justification for his issues with the marital institution usually boiled down to it being an empty promise, and he felt more capable of being faithful without all the pomp and circumstance than most men would with the pomp and circumstance.

Well, it turns out the Demon needed a little more pomp and a little less circumstance (or maybe it was a little less pomp and a little more circumstance, the Outsider isn't really sure which is which) as the KISS bass player turned out not to be that faithful at all.

So, when faced with losing his family, the Demon tossed his long held principle aside and took the marital plunge. For this, the Outsider applauds Mr. Simmons (Gene not Richard), not because of any strong belief for or against marriage, but for doing what was best for his family.

It appears that what the Demon truly feared was not marriage but failure. If a man builds his empire for his family and loses his family, then his empire was built for naught (looking at you Charlie Sheen, you can say cocaine is a member of your family all you want, but try declaring it on your taxes).  

An Out Of Character Personal Note About The Passing Of Steve Jobs

I know you have all been flooded with information over the last few days about the passing of Steve Jobs, but I hope you will all indulge me and allow me to break character (and talk in the first person) for just a moment to pay tribute to one of the greatest men of our lifetime.

I did not know Jobs personally, but he is probably the best example we have of American entrepreneurship. He started Apple Computer in his garage and went on to revolutionize the personal computer multiple times!

He brought computing to the masses in a way that had not previously been thought of. His vision also led to revolutionizing the media player, the mobile phone and the tablet computer. He laid the foundation for people like Bill Gates and eventually people like Mark Zukerberg.

The reach of Jobs' influence has touched us all. Even if you don't use a single Apple product, the computer/smart phone/media player technology you are using was influenced by Jobs in some way. Personally, half the articles I write for twoday magazine are on written on my iPad, and the other half are written on my MacBook Pro.

They say a man is judged by his work. If that is true, then I have no doubt that when history looks back, Steve Jobs will proudly stand shoulder to shoulder with the likes of Thomas Edison, Henry Ford and the Wright Brothers.  

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