Two Day Magazine

Help!

We assume that once an adult relationship is over it is over for all adults concerned; male, female, and your parents. Unless there's a professional reason involved ( a business you own together, work-related organizations, etc.), most people feel that there is no earthly reason to still see their ex on a continuing basis. You want to begin a new life.

So, what can possibly stop  you from beginning a new life after a break-up? Maybe your own parents.

Despite the problems between a couple that causes them to decide to go their separate ways, your parents may still see the ex-boyfriend as someone for whom they really and truly care. Many times he may be a good man who is just not good for their daughter. They still consider him a vital part of their family and will see nothing wrong with inviting him to family events or giving him birthday and holiday presents. As one woman put it:

“My parents see my ex as a great guy and, to be honest, he is. In fact, he is still a very welcome guest in my parents’ home. The problem is that it has been two years since we broke up and I am now dating someone else. It is a little awkward to have my ex and my current boyfriend meet at a family party. My parents, however, see nothing wrong with it. They love him and they're okay with it!”

Your new man, however, may not be okay with seeing your ex at family gatherings. He may begin to feel that he comes in as second best in the eyes of your parents; not a good thing for a budding relationship.

What can you do to ease a situation so no one feels slighted? You are going to have to brush up on Diplomacy 101 and do some serious talking with everyone involved.

Talk to your parents first. Be blunt and tell them that, as much as they may hope for it, you are not getting back with your ex. Ever.

Ask them not to have your ex over to every family affair. Remind them that you’ve moved on, begun a new life and a new relationship, then tell them they have to “move on”, as well.

Next, politely speak with your ex. If he’s as great a guy as your parents think he is, he’ll understand the awkwardness of the situation for you and your new man. Be careful, though, you may be surprised to learn he still genuinely cares about your parents and does not want to hurt their feelings by turning down invitations. See if some compromise can be reached about him attending all family get-togethers. Sweeten the deal by telling him he is entitled to bring a date to any family gathering if he chooses. Fair is fair, after all. This makes it easier on everyone.

Talk to the new man in your life last. Let him understand that your ex and you are definitely not getting back together. If your new man is also a great guy, he will understand how your parents feel even if he doesn’t agree with them. He'll continue to be a nice guy and will work his way into your parents' hearts. It just takes time!

© 2010 Copyright Kristen Houghton
Kristen Houghton is the author of the best-selling book, And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First