Two Day Magazine

...The Lengths Some Men Will Go...

Ladies, we aren’t the only ones who do crazy things in the name of vanity. If we want bigger breasts, we can get implants. If we want our noses reshaped, we can get that done, too. Hair dye, body waxing, creams and gels, magic serums and pills...if a woman is unhappy with her appearance, there is some newfangled product out there to turn that frown upside down! But, what about the men? We all have body issues, we all have insecurities. But, would you go this far to obtain the perfect penis?

Foreskin Restoration: To circumcise or not to circumcise? That is the question! And, some men, quite frankly, feel they got the short end of the stick! (Pun intended.) Whether your parents’ reasoning was religious based, health related, cultural, or just because everyone else was doing it, no one actually asked you if you were interested in having the most sensitive part of your penis removed. In fact, there is a growing number of people who believe that circumcision decreases sexual pleasure and sensitivity.

How does one “restore” their foreskin? Well, there are the do-it-yourself methods of attaching weights (ouch!) or “tugging” in which you pull the skin repeatedly in the same direction every day, or taping, in which you use tape instead of tugging, or using a device known as MySkinClamp which sounds quite sadistic. The point is to gradually pull out the remaining skin until a foreskin is created. This can also be done surgically through skin grafts, as well. And while NORM (The National Organization of Restoring Men) swears by it as a way to reclaim sexual sensitivity, the medical community says it doesn’t really reclaim anything, you’re just pulling on skin that exists.

Smelly Penis Be Gone!: This product, which Howard Stern boasted about on his radio show called, NodorO avows to cure “Male Genital Odor”. The website claims that the penis will “smell perfect” once you schmear the cream, whose active ingredient is an anti-fungal. Fun! However, when I tried accessing the page, it wouldn’t let me purchase the miracle cream, so I don’t know if this issue really keeps men up at night.

Tasty Semen?: Does your partner’s semen taste like “Clorox and Cheese” or “Ice cream and Vinegar”? You may want to try Ambrosia! (http://www.beambrosia.com/index.php) This all natural supplement improves the taste of semen by utilizing “fruit and spice extracts”. The taste of semen is also affected by what you eat, and a vegetarian diet makes semen taste sweeter, unlike a diet of animal products which gives it that funky taste!  

It’s All About the Girth, Baby: Ever heard of AlloDerm? This product is made from a company called LifeCell. AlloDerm is made from donated human skin tissue. While it was supposed to be used for breast reconstruction and hernia repair, it has been shown to widen the penis. The cadaver tissue is attached to the penis, thereby increasing girth.  While endorsed by the American Academy of Phalloplasty Surgeons, I find this to be a little creepy. Attack of the undead penis! Perhaps next in the series of Twilight movies? Vampires are so last year, after all!

Just Give it a Good Pull: Did you know that part of the penis resides inside the male body? It’s been proven that if a man is overweight and loses some serious pounds, his penis may actually “grow” an inch. Well, if that isn’t enough, a procedure called ligamentolysis gives men 2-3 more centimeters by cutting a suspensory ligament that holds up part of the penile shaft in the body. Not something that I would want to mess with, and apparently, the surgery has a low 35% satisfaction rate and the AUA (American Urological Association) deems the procedure neither “safe or efficacious.” Yikes!
     
For a much easier way to fake the length, why not try a pair of “bulge enhancing” underwear known as Wonderjock or Cocoksox. Hey, if girls can pad their bras....