Two Day Magazine

Welcome to your weekly edition of the Hollywood Outsider.

This is twodaymag’s weekly cruise through the shark-infested waters of the Sea of Pop-Cultura (It’s south of the Indian Ocean, look it up).

Since last week was all about finding a new you, this week the Outsider gets back to business. This week the nation looks to the sky to see if the Almighty Creator of the Universe’s plan for this fallen, poverty stricken, disease ridden planet involves the Denver Broncos winning some football games. And science may have finally discovered something that is either incredibly useful or just incredibly pointless.

Tim Tebow Inspires Classic Song Remake

One of today’s most polarizing public figures is Denver Broncos quarterback, Tim Tebow. Tebow was a Heisman trophy winning college QB who led the Florida Gators to a national championship. But since being drafted in the first round by Denver a few years ago, he really hasn’t done much in the NFL. Until now.

Tebow is by most accounts an average to less than average QB. Normally, somebody like that doesn’t get a ton of national air time, but Tebow has been very outspoken about his Christian faith. He has been seen praying on the sidelines (an act that has now been named after him for some reason), and even appeared in a Focus On The Family super bowl ad a few years ago thanking his mother for not aborting him (something the Outsider should call his mother twice a week for).

When Tebow entered the NFL, most experts in the media were very vocal about him not being the type of QB who would succeed at the pro level. And if there is one thing media experts hate, it’s looking stupid.

So now you have a large segment of the population made up of sports personalities and people that really don’t like anything dealing with Evangelical Christianity; actively rooting against the guy. While on the other side you have the Evangelical Christian community who will buy or support anything Christian above all else. Then you have a large segment of the population that simply enjoys it when media experts look stupid (like your Outsider, for example).

Also, somewhere in there are Broncos’ fans, but nobody cares about them.

So now you have a QB who is a lightening rod for attention before even playing. The story gets even better because the team started 1-4 without him, and he led them to a divisional championship, and a playoff win over the Pittsburgh Steelers.

According to a recent poll by Poll Position, over 40% of those polled believe that Tebow’s success could actually be credited to divine intervention. This figure blew the Outsider’s mind, as it seemed like sports-commentary-low-hanging-fruit to suggest that divine intervention helped a religious quarterback. But to think that there are actually that many people who believe this is simply staggering.

Unless the Outsider is confused and the definition of “divine intervention” is not “a term for a miracle caused by a god's active involvement in the human world.” And instead means, “when your team’s defense starts performing up to its potential.”

Besides, if the God of Abraham truly cared about Tim Tebow, he wouldn’t have been drafter by the Broncos (he would have obviously been drafted by the Saints).

Tebow’s on the field success is definitely unlikely, but it is far from miraculous. Because he is such a magnet for attention, he has gotten credit for a lot of things that went right on that team that he really had nothing to do with, like defense and special teams.

Well, all of the success has brought the Outsider to his favorite part of this story. 80’s pop legend John Parr has rerecorded his hit song “St. Elmo’s Fire” and changed the lyrics to (Outsider’s Transcription):

“Gonna be a man in motion, all I need's my Bronco team. Take me where (something unintelligible) TIM TEEEBOOOWSSS FIIIIREEEEEE!”

Good luck getting that out of your heads!

Scientists Have Possibly Developed a “Stay Sober” Pill

This is admittedly not a direct pop culture story, but it is one that could have lasting effects for that community.

According to a study published in the British Journal of Pharmacology, scientists have found a drug that seems to have blocked certain effects of alcohol when injected into mice.

Basically, these groups of lab mice were injected with a large amount of alcohol (alcohol injections are also very popular in certain frat houses) and the group given this drug showed no signed of impairment. However, the other group stumbled around their cages like it was a family Christmas party.

Apparently, this drug does block the part of the brain that causes the hindrances people associate with alcohol: impaired movement, suddenly thinking you’re a good singer and finding the bartender suddenly very attractive. If fully developed, it would be a pill that could instantly sober you up.

That said, all it seemed to do was block the impairing effects of alcohol. It appears to do nothing about the actual poisoning effect. So you’ll at least know to hold your own hair back, if you catch the Outsider’s drift.

Now most of you are probably thinking, “What’s the point of this? If I want to stay sober I’ll just not drink.” To that the Outsider says, “I don’t know, good point.”

Truthfully there could be some health implications such as using it to help with alcohol addiction. Think of how many people have had their lives ruined or ended because of that.

Or even better, imagine if there was a way to weaponize this and put it in a gas form. Think of how much easier being a cop in a college town would be. Just walk through the crowds spraying sober gas everywhere...talk about a buzz kill.

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twoday magazine wants to know: What are your thoughts on Tebow’s divine intervention? Would you take a magic pill to sober you up? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page.