Two Day Magazine

Like many people, I became engrossed in all the details of the Penn State sex abuse scandal.

I read every article, opinion piece, and poured over the grand jury report. However, with every article I read I began to see that it seemed every article was focused on what officials didn’t did or didn’t do to prevent further abuse from happening.

I still hold the belief that more should and could have been done to stop Jerry Sandusky from sexually assaulting children. But, there needs to be a focus now on what parents can do to prevent their children from becoming victimized and also how to talk with their child if they believe sexual abuse might be taking place:

PREVENTION FOR CHILDREN:  

• Talk with your children and establish with them what healthy boundaries are with adults. For instance, letting your children know that an adult showering with another child and “horsing around” as Sandusky put it, is not acceptable. Boundaries also include: an adult showing his or her genitals to a child, showing the child obscene pictures or videotapes, or using the child to make obscene materials.

• Teach your child that an abuser can be an adult friend, family member, or older youth. (As many as 60% are abused by people the family trusts- abusers frequently try to form a trusting relationship with parents. And in more than 90% of cases, the child and child’s family know the abuser.)

• Create a safe environment for your child to come and talk to you to let you know if they feel uncomfortable with an adult.

• Reinforce in your child to trust their gut or instinct. If something feels wrong then it most likely is wrong!

• Let your child know that it is okay so say “No” to an adult who is making him or her uncomfortable.

• Explain to your child that if another adult tells them to keep a secret about their relationship that that is not a secret they should keep and some secrets should be told.

• Let your child know that if someone touches them inappropriately it is not the child’s fault and to come to you immediately and tell you what happened.

PREVENTION FOR PARENTS:

• Know who your children are with at all times.

• Talk to your children about their relationships with other adults.

• Question why the adult who wants to spend so much time with your child. In Sandusky’s case, he singled out boys from his Second Mile foundation and had those boys stay the night at his house, took them on trips to football games, etc. It is important to question why an adult wants to spend so much time with a child and shower them with so much attention.

• If your child is receiving gifts from an adult, that be a red flag. For example, Sandusky bought computers, golf clubs, and expensive clothes for his victims. Any adult who continuously showers a child (especially, a child who isn’t their own) with gifts, probably has other motives with your child other than just being kind.

• It is also important to trust your gut. If you at all get a weird feeling about someone being around your child, trust it and don’t give that person a benefit of a doubt.

• Drop in unexpectedly when the child is alone with any adult, even trusted family members (more than 80% of sexual abuse cases occur in one-adult/one-child situations).  

SIGNS TO LOOK FOR IF CHILD MIGHT BE SEXUAL ABUSED:

• Physical signs are highly uncommon. Still, pay attention for any bruising, redness, rashes or swelling in genital area. Anxiety, headaches, and chronic stomach pain may also occur.

• Pay attention to emotional changes in your child: withdrawal, depression, out of place anger or rebellion.

• Pay attention to their school work and if they are falling behind.

• If your child suddenly loses interest in certain activities they loved before ask your child why they don’t want to do those activities anymore.

• Pay attention to how your child reacts to other adults or places. Do they experience anxiety or any type of withdrawal from the situation or towards the person?

• If your child suddenly is startled or fears physical touch from people, it is important to start questioning why.

• Is your child acting inappropriately sexual for his or her age?

ACTING ON YOUR SUSPICIONS:

• Make sure your child knows he or she is not in trouble when you are gathering information. Lead the questions with “I”, such as “I am concerned that Mr. X wants to spend so much time with you.”

• When gathering information, understand that sexual abuse can feel good so do not lead questions with just trying to find out it someone is hurting your child.

• Always err on the side of believing your child.

• If you find out your child is getting sexually abused, do not panic. Your child needs you to be strong and supportive during this time.

• If you find out your child was sexually abused get counseling for you and your child immediately.

• Report the abuse! If you believe someone is sexually abusing your child it is your responsibility to report the abuse. If you are unsure to how to go about reporting abuse, Children’s Advocacy Centers can help lead you in the right direction. Visit the National Children’s Alliance at http://www.nca-online.org or 1-800-239-9950
  
  For more information and resources on how to prevent sexual abuse with children please visit the following website:

KidSafe Foundation

Darkness to Light

Books:

My Body is Special and Belongs to Me, KidSafe Foundation (visit their website to purchase book)

Kids Helping Kids Break the Silence of Sexual Abuse, Linda Lee Foltz

I Said No! A kid-to-kid guide to keeping your private parts private, Kimberly King and Sue Rama

Please Tell!: A Child's Story About Sexual Abuse (Early Steps), Jessie Ottenweller

*************************

Follow @anyaalvarez on Twitter

Let's continue the conversation on twodaymag's Facebook page: What are you ideas in helping prevent child abuse?