Two Day Magazine

Less Money + More Stress = Unhappy in Bed

A survey conducted in May by AARP, which represents 40 million Americans older than 50, entitled “2009 Sex, Romance, and Relationship Survey”, which took a sampling of 1,670 US citizens, showed that since the economy crashed, there has been a drop since 2004 in the amount of sex Americans over 45 are having and a drop in sexual satisfaction, as well.

But, who could blame them? It’s hard having fun between the sheets when all you can think about is the mound of unpaid bills sitting on the kitchen table. In fact, a worse financial situation is listed in the survey as the #3 reason (right behind health and stress) as changes people say have negatively impacted their sexual satisfaction, with 14% of women and 26% of men stating that an improvement in finances would help to improve their sex lives. That’s an increase from 9% of women and 17% of men stating the same in 2004.

Dating comes with a price tag, as we all know. Meeting people whether it be online or at a bar or gym cost money. Money that some people just don’t have right now, and they have seen their dating pool shrink dramatically, putting the brakes on finding a suitable partner.

Take Liz, 61, a divorced software developer from Silicon Valley, California, who has been out of work for about a year and hasn’t enjoyed sex in that time, either.

“If you want to go to a nice bar and meet some high-end guys, you have to spend a lot of money, unless you get someone to buy you a drink, and that doesn’t happen much as we get older,” she said.

“The outlets for meeting people and developing relationships are the Internet and dating services, and they all charge for that.”

When asked about signing up for a free dating website, like PlentyofFish.com, she declined, stating, “but that’s a catch-22. It’s free, which is great, but you are looking at people who are cheap or looking for others who are cheap.”

The report also stated that sexual activity among both married and single respondents has declined 10% since the survey conducted in 2004. Only 43% said that they were sexually satisfied, down from 51% in 2004.

“The core problem is the stress of losing your job or being afraid you’ll lose your job or losing money in your investments and the price of not having health care; pretty depressing things,” believes Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist from the University of Washington and a columnist for AARP.

“When there is anxiety, sex is not on your mind, and with less money, you don’t go out as much,” she goes on to say.

So, what can one do about it? Finding your mojo when you’re suffering from the money blues can seem almost impossible. But, sex has a plentitude of benefits, so engaging in sexual activity can help reduce your stress level and allow you to cope with other stresses in your life better.

For those already in a committed relationship, married or not, having regular “date nights” is key to a healthy sex life. You don’t have to break the bank, either. Go for a walk, go to the park and pack a picnic of fruit and veggies, have a few other couples over for a pot-luck dinner, go see a matinee movie (when the tickets are much cheaper) or just spend an evening in bed, playing a board game or reading a book together. All of these are ways to reconnect, to reaffirm your love and enjoy some quality time together. When you get in the habit of making one another a priority for a few hours a week, the time becomes sacred, special and your own.

For those who are single and ready to mingle, I agree, the options become limiting when one doesn’t have the funds to meet people in bars or gyms. But, fear not! There are always things going on in a neighborhood that are free and a good way to meet others. If you are into church or some sort of spirituality, attend more events, picnics and fundraisers. If you love volunteering, sign up to work for your favorite cause, where you will undoubtedly meet others with your interests and passions. Bookstores and grocery stores are great places to bump into someone and start up a conversation, as well.

Whatever your situation, just remember, the economy ebbs and flows and this too, shall pass. And, in the meantime, since no one has any money to do anything exciting outside of the bedroom, take it as a challenge and opportunity to make things more exciting in the bedroom, instead!