Two Day Magazine

We all need one another...so why do I feel alone in that?

Maybe I’m not as satisfied with being single as I might have thought, I wondered last week. Or, maybe my idea of friendship is far-fetched in today’s world.

My friends are extremely independent, I realized, and don’t seem to share the same thoughts I do about what a friendship should be. So counting on them isn’t always in the cards.

Outside of family, work and volunteer stuff, my life revolves around my friends. They’re my social circle — the folks I share interests with, can talk with and genuinely care about. And while I think they generally feel the same way, it’s just not the same.

I’m a social guy, so I need to physically be surrounded by people I enjoy. I like to plan events with friends, go places with them and do things that help to make our bond stronger and create memories.

But everybody seems to be living in this fast-paced world where we don’t think about today until right now and planning for tomorrow just hasn’t happened yet. After work and family, the last thing we think about is spending time with our friends.

So, what ends up happening is that my friends and I make no concrete plans until the very last minute.

For me, that’s a waste of a night. We sit around texting one another about where to eat or what to do, and by the time we’ve come close to an idea, none of us are happy with it, but we just go and do the same thing anyway — meet up at a typical restaurant, eat and within two hours, we leave.

If it were up to me, we’d plan ahead of time.

I’ve tried — many, MANY times — to plan ahead. From simple restaurant outings to weekend getaways. More often than not, I’m met with the same obstacles: My friends forget and make other plans, “something else” comes up or, at the last minute, decide they just don’t want to do that.

I’ve made some attempts to get my friends to join me for a weekend in Erie, Pa., this summer. It’s a nice Great Lakes town with plenty of summer fun — from miles and miles of beaches at Presque Isle, to Minor League Baseball, wineries, lots of great local eateries and a fun nightlife.

It’s a less than two-hour drive from home, and if it’s planned correctly ahead of time, wouldn’t break the bank. But that didn’t happened. There had been interest, but that’s where it ended.

So I went to Erie myself over the weekend. I enjoyed the beaches, baseball, the nightlife and did some shopping — all fun, but would have had more fun with friends.

Like my friends, I enjoy independence and not being at somebody’s beck and call. But I can’t function without social interaction, and I know my trip would have been much better had I been joined by friends.

At times, I feel as though I’m playing catch up with my friends — trying to make sure we’re getting together often and having fun. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but reality has forced me to not necessarily ascribe to that belief. So I worry that my friendships could weaken if there isn’t much face-to-face interaction.

I know that the friendships I have with my pals now won’t always be the same — marriage, kids, new careers, etc., will change the way we interact and engage with one another. I’ve already seen how friendships change over time — some evolve and most trail off.

So I can’t take for granted the time I have now with those I care about.

There seems to be a fine line between balancing independence of one’s life while still depending on those around us. We never truly are independent. We can’t be.

But how do you strike that balance between being happy and single and still wanting and needing to be around others?

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