Two Day Magazine

...Why Not for Men Who Want to “Last Longer” Between the Sheets?

We have all encountered this situation at one point or another. You are in bed with your lover, just warming up, and oops! It’s over before it began! You don’t want to show your annoyance or your disappointment because you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but geez! Couldn’t he have held on just a little longer?

www.msnbc.com did an article recently on this very issue and how there is a new pill in town that promises to prolong his stamina and make him go the distance. Science has a name for this condition: premature ejaculation. The Archives of Sexual Behavior notes that PE is the most common sexual dysfunction, which explains why there are so many frustrated people out there! It is estimated that 20-30% of men deal with this issue at one point or another and they are desperate for a remedy, including tying elastic bands around their penises (why would this be a good idea to remedy ANYTHING?), drinking too much beer to numb them, and even hypnosis.

Well, Europe isn’t into these crazy ideas, and who could blame them? Instead, Johnson & Johnson has taken the more obvious approach and has begun selling a drug designed to deal with PE. It is called Priligy (where they hell do they come up with the names for these drugs? Half the time it sounds like they are on drugs while naming drugs.) Clinical trials have revealed that it can triple the time to ejaculation for men who maybe last only a minute or so, normally. Germany, Spain and Italy are already selling it, but, alas, it is still unavailable in the good ‘ol US of A.

However, if and when it does get approved by the FDA, it will be a huge achievement for an issue that receives little attention, mostly due to the stigma and embarrassment that surrounds it. Let’s be real. How many guys out there want to admit that they come so quickly? It’s not exactly what anyone wants to hear on a first date!

 “Hi. my name is John. Oh, gee, you’re pretty...whoops!” Date over.

Doctors still haven’t been able to fully explain PE and they don’t understand why some men struggle with this issue. Is it purely psychological or is there a physiological component to this? The average guy lasts about 6 minutes during sex but men that suffer from PE usually last 1-2 minutes. And, what is the right amount of time to last, anyway? Seems like this condition can stem from perception, as well.

Not everyone thinks that approving a drug like Priligy will be a good thing for the battle of the sexes. Some believe that this could bend men and women’s expectations by stressing stamina as the way to measure a man’s worth in bed, creating more fear and doubt about their abilities to please their partner. Ironically, the treatment could create more conditions brought on by stress, but that’s the point if you are trying to sell a drug, right?

Dr. Marcel Waldinger, a neuropsychiatrist at HagaHospital Leyenburg, in the Netherlands is one of the world’s PE top researchers. He states:

"The majority of men who complain of PE just aren't satisfied with the way they have sex," he says. "I call these men premature-like ejaculators. They may have a psychological, cultural, or relationship problem, and we should not treat them with medication at first. We should talk with them."

There is so much pressure on what is “normal” for men and women in bed, and so much misinformation and glamorization of inaccurate sexual situations throughout our media, it is no wonder that we are all confused. Instead of focusing on the length of time that it takes for our partner to reach the peak, we should be more focused on the journey getting us there. Sex is about mutual pleasure and fun.

If we all start pulling out stop watches, stressing over the time it takes, it becomes mechanical and no fun at all. And seriously, do we really need another drug that is going to enhance the time it takes by only a few minutes? There are lots of ways to enjoy sex, many ways to feel pleasure in bed, and if we keep listening to the outside world about what is right for us and our partners in bed we will never have any fun at all.

There is the misconception, as well, that women can only orgasm if they guy is able to stimulate her through intercourse. That is not true. Women and men are much more complex than that and there are a lot of different ways to please your partner. Instead of buying more chemicals to put in your body, why not slow down. Take a hot shower together. Kiss, lick, nibble one another. Foreplay is key to a good time in bed. If we focus more on the moment and less on the end result, I think all of us would have a better time, don’t you think?