Two Day Magazine

Why do celebs even bother getting together? In this modern dating landscape, it seems to me that we have too many options and that “commitment” is a dirty word. Let’s review and award some of the surprising and (not-so surprising break-ups) happening this week! And, the winners are....

The “Obviously a Rebound” Award goes to...(drum roll, please!)

Mel Gibson and his Russian babymomma Oksana Grigorieva:
So, after his wife of thirty years finally left his crazy ass, Mel is now saying adieu to his musician/model girlfriend whom he first laid eyes on while he was filming the true cinematic gem The Edge of Darkness in Boston, MA last year. (look for it in the half-off bin at Wal-Mart) Since Mel doesn’t believe in birth control (just ask his wife, who had lie 7 of his kids) he got this wannabe songstress knocked up (how Catholic of him) and now they have a 5-month old daughter, Lucia. What happened?

“They just drifted apart,” says a close friend. “They’re both working hard on their careers and trying to raise a sweet baby together. They’re still friends and they’ll both raise Lucia together.”

And, for your viewing and listening pleasure, please enjoy the best song ever created by the greatest singer ever, none other than our very own Oksana! Her talent overwhelms me.

The “But, I Thought They Were So In Loooooove?” Shock Award goes to....

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy:
This one was sort of interesting, mostly because every chance they had, they were gushing about eachother in the media, and to Oprah! Sometimes, though, things aren’t as perfect as they seem...apparently, Jim Carrey suffers from bipolar disorder so badly that he will up and disappear for days at time, which left Jenny in the dark about where he was, if he was ok, and left her alone to raise her son who suffers from mild autism.

It came as quite a surprise to the people around them. “Jenny is the first person that I’ve been with where I don’t have a giant question mark over my head.” Carrey told People magazine at an event. “Everyday is Valentine’s Day” with McCarthy, he went on to say.

Yup, this relationship was doomed for failure. She already had one special needs child to take care of, dealing with Carrey would have probably just been too much to handle! Since the split, many say Jim has gone off the deep end, putting up a happy appearance, but has been tweeting some stuff. For example, he randomly commented on Elin, Tiger Woods’ estranged wife, by saying:

“Tiger Woods owes nothing 2 anyone but himself. 2 please his father he gave up his childhood and his freedom in the world. That’s enough!---> No wife is blind enough to miss that much infidelity. Elin had 2 b a willing participant on the ride 4 whatever reason. kids/lifestyle ;^)

Wow, someone is bitter and lashing out! He then had to soften what he said (because people were like, ‘where the hell did that come from?’ and he has tweeted since:

“I have freed Truman at long last! I am grateful for my avatar’s many yrs of dedicated service, but no one has ever won the Tour De  France while back peddling....so I killed him.” Later on Sunday night, he goes on to tweet: “I do not plan 2 bow to expectations or to be confined by the fear of losing altitude int he ‘statusphere’! (my word).”

“Some folks out there are worried that I stay up too late,” he insists, “This is no breakdown! It’s a breakthrough! And if you’ll just loosen these straps, I’ll show you the difference!”

All that I have to say in this matter is I think Jenny made the right call here! He’s gone off the deep end!

The “Isn’t He Too Old for This Shit?” Award goes to...

Larry King and Wife #7, Shawn Southwick
The always entertaining, suspender-wearing talk show host filed for divorce on Wednesday. His spokesperson, Howard Rubenstein, tells People magazine, “His major concern is the welfare of this children, and beyond that he’s not going to comment about the divorce.” He wants to deny his soon-to-be ex any spousal support, even though they have two children together, ages 9 and 11.

What makes this juicy, though, is that there are rumors floating around that the couple split due to an alleged affair between King and his wife’s SISTER, Shannon Engemann. However, Engemann denies these allegations, stating: “I never had an affair with him, and I am not the reason for this.”

I wouldn’t take her too seriously, though. RadarOnline.com learned that Larry’s sister-in-law, Shannon, would often visit the host at his office while he was alone and at work.

“She visited him numerous times all on her own. And she was always very comfortable around Larry...their relationship seemed very natural.” Reports a Larry King employee.

RadarOnline.com has a source that also believes that King bought Shannon a $160,000 luxury car and has spent over $1MILLION dollars on her. The employees at Larry King Live were used to her frequent visits and described her as “very, very skinny,” “odd,” and “out there.”

So, what was the relationship like with his wife? Apparently, nothing like that! The same source said that Shawn rarely came to the set. “Their relationshp never seemed real and she barely ever visited unless she was somehow included in his show. Shawn and Shannon fought bitterly over the situation.” Me-ooow!

Even worse? The Enquirer reports that Shawn was cheating, too! She apparently had been carrying on a year-long affair with one-time pro baseball prospect, Hector Penate, right under Larry’s nose. She was so bold that they even had sex on Larry’s desk in his home office! Yikes! What’s worse? He had been hired as Larry’s baseball coach for their two young sons! Penate has since been fired! Shawn denies these allegations of cheating. What a mess!

Neither of them have a very good track record. King, 76, has been married 6 times, while Southwick, 50, has been 3 times.

The Double-Fake Out Award goes to...

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller
Now, they haven’t broken up officially, yet, but there was such good gossip surrounding crazy Charlie this week that it is only a matter of time! Recently, Charlie was seen out sporting a fake mustache (which was supposed to be a “disguise”) and was spotted multiple times sneaking into an apartment of lingerie model (and rumored escort) Angelina Tracy, while wearing a hooded sweatshirt, sunglasses and the fake mustache.

He claims he was wearing the disguise for “fun” and to “play a joke on the paparazzi.” “Since Sheen knew he was being followed and how this would look, he wore the mustache in a tounge and cheek disguise gesture,” he said. Riiiiiiight...

Apparently, his wife has no idea that he is seeing this woman, and when she does, shit is gonna hit the fan! He is already on thin ice after the 911 call over the winter about attacking Mueller with a knife, and they have both since entered rehab for drug and alcohol addiction. It keeps getting stranger. Yesterday, it seems as if Charlie pulled a Britney and shaved his head after all of these allegations with the latest escort have come to life. Many speculated that Spears had shaved her head to prevent them from drug testing, and I have to wonder...is Charlie doing the same?

The Does ANYONE Stay Together? Award goes to....

Melissa and Tammy Ethridge
These two lovely ladies had been together for 9 years (a lifetime in Hollywood) and saw eachother through some rough times, including Melissa’s battle with cancer in 2004. They had exchanged vows in Malibu in September in 2003 and Tammy had given birth to their children, Miller and Johnnie Rose in 2006.

Often considered Hollywood’s first lesbian power couple, the break up comes to a shock to many who knew them well. However, Tammy had taken to her blogspot her frustrations over the relationship lately, and here is the thinly veiled attack she put out on Melissa:

“people treat you the way you treat yourself
so if you are the type to put the oxygen mask on someone else, before yourself
they won’t put the mask on you, they’ll take care of themselves first, taking their cue
from you and your prior actions

if you give and give and give and take care of someone
until plenty spill-eth over-th
then why should your partner give any more?
you’ve given enough for both?

Tammy also took down a post she put up recently that was even more damning:

“well here she sits
the truth eating at the flesh like acetone to fake nails
melting
disfiguring disforming
soon she’ll be handicapped from all this withholding
all this restraint
to save what? for what?
how unpopular
to vouce the truth that does not match the super hero
the cape
the theme song
the tv show
the movie
the image
she wonder how long one thinks she will swallow
one’s comings and goings
and say nothing

Ouch! You know what they say! Hell hath no fury like a pissed off lesbian! Or something like that...

So, what have we learned? First, I think too much money makes people crazy. Look at these people! Why do we emulate any of them? They are all illusion, all smoke and mirrors! You pull back the veil and everything is putrid, everything is rotten from the inside out. These people are so self-involved, so over-indulged, never hearing 
“no”, never having their feet on the ground, that they just can’t seem to see that the Emperor has no clothes!