Two Day Magazine

...How to Spot Them, and When to Leave...

We have all been in relationships, both good and bad. Some days, you wake up and the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and your lover is amazing. Other days? Not so much. But, even though we all have bad days, when it becomes habitual, it becomes unhealthy. Here are some signs of an unhealthy relationship and what you can do to remedy the situation.

-Nagging. Is your partner a whiner? Contrary to popular belief, nagging can be done by both men and women. Being critical and overbearing can be a real mood killer in a relationship. Once in a while, we all can succumb to a little nagging, but when it becomes routine to argue with your lover about their socks being on the floor, or the way they drive, etc., you have to ask yourself, “what the hell am I doing here?”

Remedy: If you are being nagged to death, you need to sit down and say to your partner: “It really bothers me when you say (fill in the blank) because it hurts me and frustrates me. I don’t want to fight with you, but this needs to change or I can’t be around it.” If they take you up on it and quit bugging you, great! If not, you have to decide whether you want to be in this kind of relationship because nagging people are disrespectful people, and where there is disrespect, love cannot flourish.

-Control Freak. Does your partner need to know where you are, what you are doing and who you are with at all times? Does your phone ring off the hook with his or her desperate calls, or do you get texts every five minutes “just checking in?” These people are incredibly insecure and this can take a little more than just sitting them down for a chat about your feelings. Sometimes, control freaks seek out nurturers because deep down you think you can fix them and make them happy and proud of you. You can’t. Their issues run deep and have little to do with you. You need to focus on making yourself happy.

Remedy: If you are feeling that your partner is smothering you, the best thing you can do is distance yourself and ask them to go to counseling with you. Tell them that this issue is tearing you apart and you feel that you cannot live in a relationship with someone that doesn’t trust you. When there is a lack of trust, love cannot survive. If your partner agrees to take steps to better themselves, and you want to be there for them, great. If not, time to move on. Life is too short to be unhappy!

-Lack of Attention: Sometimes, the pendulum swings in the other direction, and your partner becomes cold and distant. He or she may be wrapped up in their own little world and taking you and the relationship for granted. This is a very bad sign, as you may be feeling neglected and unimportant.

Remedy: Those feelings can wreak havoc on your self esteem, so the best thing to do is confront your partner about your lack of love. If they have been consumed with a project or work, maybe they didn’t realize how insensitive they were being. However, if this has been going on for a long time, you have to ask yourself why you are putting yourself in a situation where you are denied love and affection. You may want to seek out counseling for yourself, and remove yourself from this toxic situation.

-Habitual Cheater: This person is dishonest and disrespectful, comes home at all hours of the night, flips out when you ask them where they have been, and leaves traces of their indiscretions all over the place. The question is, why are you denying what is happening and how can you move past this?

Remedy: Everyone deserves love. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness. Being with someone who is deceitful with you is not a lover that you want in your bed. The lack of respect shows that they think very little of you and feel as though they can treat you like a doormat. Why? Because you allow it. If they want to be with other people, you can’t stop that, but you can stop them from treating you like an animal by packing your bags and walking away from the relationship. In a relationship that is meaningful and healthy, the two involved want to be with each other, and if he or she isn’t fully committed to you, why are you sticking around?

In general, if you are in a relationship where you don’t feel satisfied, either mentally, emotionally, or sexually, you have to question what your motives for staying in that relationship really are. Are you a people-pleaser to a fault? Are you afraid of being alone? Are you unhappy with your own life and don’t see the point in leaving? All of these reasons stem from a lack of self-awareness and self-respect. Instead of putting yourself in relationships that are dysfunctional, you need to step back, quit blaming the other person for your bad relationship, and question what you need and want. We can’t control what other people do, but we can control how we respond. If someone treats you poorly and you allow them, you can’t blame them for continuing their behavior because you have shown them how to treat you. In the end, we can only be a light for others to follow, and if someone is trying to dim that light instead of basking in your glow, it is time to move on.