Two Day Magazine

So, yesterday, I did a blog on a very disturbing situation about a man that pulled out his partner’s NuvaRing and removed his condom. His reasoning for doing so is still vague, but I thought it would only be fair to discuss when this situation is reversed and the woman is the one trying to trick her partner into getting her pregnant. So, here we go.

Growing up, there were a lot of mothers telling their sons (my guy friends) that you always wear a condom because even if a girl tells you that she is on the Pill, she could be lying to you. The only way to be sure is to use protection. Now, while it is good advice to tell your son to always use protection, I have to wonder; what is the probability of a girl doing this to her boyfriend or lover? Do girls really go around poking holes in condoms and lying about being on birth control so that they can trap a man into having a baby or get married? I’m sure a lot of people are nodding their heads “Yes” right now.

I don’t understand a woman’s motivation for doing this to her partner. It is sneaky and dysfunctional. If a woman lies to her partner about being on the Pill, or worse, fakes taking the Pill in front of him, or takes a condom and punctures little holes in it, well, that is just vile. How could you think of bringing a child into this world with that negative energy at their creation? No good can come of it!

If you claim that you love your man so much that you want to have his baby, well, you need to talk with him and see where you are at in the relationship. No one wants to be sabotaged, no one wants to be tricked. Even if you manage to trick him and he never finds out, think of the guilt you will feel. What if he suggests that you get an abortion because he doesn’t want a child? (Hence, why he was using condoms or expected you to take your birth control like you said you would.) Then, what do you do? Do you really want to have a baby with someone that clearly doesn’t want one? No!

Raising a child is the hardest job in the world. It takes a lot of time, money, energy and sacrifice. Raising a baby without a supportive partner is about a million times harder. Do you really want the weight of that on your shoulders? Tricking a man into having a child is morally wrong and it won’t get you where you want to go in the relationship. How would you like it if the situation was reversed? You would feel violated, humiliated, and enraged. This isn’t something that you can take back.

If you are thinking of having a baby to secure the relationship, think again. Instead of focusing on making babies, focus on nurturing the relationship, instead. Both partners need to be on the same page in order for a relationship to flourish. If you find that you are dating men that are uninterested in having children, maybe you need to work on yourself. Reevaluate what your needs and desires truly are and then be single for a while to focus on self improvement, so that you will redirect your attentions to men that want the same things that you do.

Often times, instead of looking inward to heal our own issues, we project those issues outward and look for an external fix. Like having a boyfriend or a baby to “complete us”. No one can complete you. You have to learn to love yourself, first, before you can expect anyone else to love you.

And, then, and only then, if you find yourself in a loving, nurturing relationship, with a partner who wants a baby as much as you do, then talk to one another about the future. Talk to one another about having a family and make the right steps in getting there. Going from A-Z can take time, but jumping from A-Z and missing everything in between is only going to spell disaster. Stop the deceit, stop the dishonesty and remember, it isn’t just about what you want. Bringing a baby into the world means learning sacrifice and selflessness, and if you aren’t ready to put others first, you certainly aren’t ready for a baby.