Two Day Magazine

...And I Think It Gave My Computer Herpes

Aw, The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Bravo has really outdone themselves, this time! I will admit it, my name is Natalie and I am a Real Housewives of (any city will do) addict. I like watching all of their petty drama unfold before me. Yes, it’s mindless entertainment, but that’s what Monday nights at 10pm are for, after all!

This season of New Jersey has started out kind of slow, but I still love watching every week, with my friends and a bottle of wine, to see what hilarity will ensue. First, it was the discovery of the table-flipper Teresa going bankrupt (eleven MILLION in debt) and now, the sweetest, most delicate flower of them all, Danielle “prostitution whore” Staub, 47, has “released” a sex tape. Oh, the magic of it all!

I wrote “released” because she claims that the tape was “stolen” and now that it leaked, she might as well profit from it. Riiiiight.

Danielle tells TMZ.com that she initially tried to prevent Hustler Inc. from selling it but then went on to say,  “It was stolen. Then, I just decided, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. What am I left to do? This isn’t something I chose to have released, but it’s out there, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

If that isn’t enough to make you laugh out loud, she also compares her tape to that of the lovely Kendra Wilkinson (also “released” sex tape).

“I haven’t seen hers. I haven’t seen mine, either, but...if it’s going to do anything, I would hope it does better.”

See, this is what I like to hear about. Reality stars and their competitive sex tapes. Doesn’t that just put a spring in your step? Remember the days when celebs were mortified if someone released a tape of them doing the horizontal mambo? Or, better yet, when a tape like this leaking would ruin a career? Yeah, I don’t remember those days either. Those days of self-preservation and feelings like dignity and integrity are o-v-e-r! And, good riddance! Who needs self-respect when there is money to be made?

Well, not all the housewives find the humor in the situation. Danielle’s ex-friend, and co-star Jacqueline Laurita made a bold accusation on her twitter account recently, writing:

“Heard from a VERY reliable source that D released her OWN sex tape. Heard it’s disgusting. Such disregard 4 her kids. I feel horrible 4 them.”

Here is one thing we can definitely agree on. I feel so bad for Danielle’s daughters. She has an 11 year old and a 15 year old. Can you imagine the torture these girls must be going through at school? To find that your mother is so hard up for cash that she will make a sex tape and sell it and to have to go to school with kids that will inevitably hear about this would be horrifying. As if middle school isn’t hard enough!

There is a lesson to be learned from all of this. One, in order to be famous in our society at this point, one must do outrageous and shocking things to grab our ever-shrinking attention span, and two, a sex tape is the way to fame and fortune. The nastier, the better. The more exploitative, the more entertaining, the more infamous you will become. Our culture has lost all sense of shame and dignity, so it is only fitting that this is how Rome should begin it’s descent into madness. One horny housewife at a time.