Two Day Magazine

By: Mia Bencivenga

Hey you.  

Yeah, I’m talking to you.  

It’s you crazy lovebirds who drive me up a wall and through the ceiling.  It’s couples like you who’ve been dating for all of three weeks and think you are “so in loooooveee” because you both have “like everything in common” that make me absolutely bat shit crazy.  

It’s not just because I’m “jealous” or “excruciatingly bitter” or “unpleasant” that makes me want to jump into Sarah Palin’s back yard dressed in a bear costume whenever I’m around you; it’s because when we hang out, I hear you throw around words like “marriage” and “love” as though  you are talking about the weather.

Well, let me tell you something kids, love and marriage aren’t things you should be bringing up after dating each other for a few months, let alone a few weeks.  And bringing these heavy subjects up so early in the relationship isn’t really doing you any favors, let alone actually going through with it and actually getting married!

Once again, the Kardashians have supplied me with yet another perfect example of what you should NOT do.  Bless Kris Jenner and her mediocre parenting.

Kim Kardashian wanted a husband.  She wanted one bad.  She meets Kris Humphries.  He’s everything a Kardshian girl looks for in a man.  He’s sometimes an athlete, he’s vaguely handsome, and he occasionally acts like a royal douche bag.  He proposed after a whopping six months with a two million dollar ring.  They get married in a nauseatingly and ridiculously lavish and televised ceremony and…

There are reports of him cheating on her, her thinking she made a mistake, they aren’t getting along, etc., etc…

It’s been two months.

So, what went wrong?

Let’s think.  Very short courtship.  Early declarations of love.  Pressure on all sides for a proposal.  Lack of patience.  Fear of rejection.  Yes, yes, its all here.  Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong.

I understand what it’s like to be infatuated with someone and to think the sun shines out of their ass.  I’ve been there.  I understand.  

It’s not love, and you know that, but you don’t know what other word to use.   The trouble is, in the English language, we don’t have another word to use for “heavy infatuation.”  And to be honest, you want someone to say that they love you; it validates you and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  

But by throwing those words around, you are setting yourself up for disaster.  Because as you get to know someone, you might find parts of them that you really don’t like.  What if these differences are too much that and your relatively young relationship can’t handle them?  

Normally, you could call it quits; but once you’ve talked about “love” and “marriage” it becomes a hell of a lot harder to say goodbye that person.  And this can lead you to staying in a relationship long after it has run its course, paving the way for negativity and making the relationship very toxic.  

And then let’s say you are in Kim Kardashian’s shoes, and you literally just got married less than three months ago, and you are already doubting your decision.  It’s natural to feel that way, as you are finally seeing someone’s true colors.  

But instead of seeing who they really are as you were dating, when you could get out easily and without too much drama, now you are married; for better, and for worse.  Well, supposedly.  

If you get divorced so quickly, you’ll be embarrassed and ashamed.  All of those wedding gifts, the ring, the dress, everything will all be for nothing.  

Now what do you do?

You’re stuck in this weird place where you aren’t happy and you feel trapped.  And that is some place where no one should ever want to be.

The lesson to be learned here, my friends, is that marriage and love are two very serious things and should never be taken lightly.  It’s not something everyone has to do, it’s not something you do because you’re bored or because it’s fun.  Not everyone has to be in love.  Not everyone has to get married.

I mean, if you think about it, love and marriage don’t always equate to true happiness.  There are only a few thousand songs/poems/books/films that illustrate that.  So don’t be in any rush, and don’t force anything.  

And be careful what you say to your lover, because it might just come true.

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twoday magazine wants to know: What defines love for you? Is marriage all its cracked up to be? Facebook us your thoughts!

Follow Mia on Twitter @miasminirants