Two Day Magazine

In short, yes it is. In fact, results from a survey of married couples imply that couples who bottle their anger die at an earlier age than those who are more open with their emotions.

These findings support past research that demonstrates how healthy it can be to release all of that negative tension and anger. Interestingly enough, those who communicate their anger and other feelings also may have a better sense of optimism and control over a situation.

“The key matter is, when the conflict happens, how do you resolve it?” asks researcher Ernest Harburg, professor emeritus with the University of Michigan School of Public Health and Psychology Department. “When you don’t, if you bury your anger, and you brood on it and you resent the other person or the attacker, and you don’t try to resolve the problem, then you’re in trouble.”

Over a 17 year period, Harburg and his fellow researchers studied 192 married couples that ranged in ages 35-69. They studied aggressive behavior that was considered undeserved by the person being “attacked”. Harburg believes that if an attack is warranted, the victim doesn’t tend to get upset.

The couples were placed into four categories:

1. Both partners suppressed their anger.

2. Both partners expressed their anger.

3. The wife suppressed her anger while the husband communicated his anger.

4. The wife communicated her anger while the husband suppressed his anger.

The researchers discovered that out of the 192 married couples, 26 couples (meaning 52 people) fit into the first category. 25% of these suppressors died during the study while only 12% of the other types of couples past on.

In 23% of the suppressor couples, both died during the study period while in 27% of the suppressor couples, one spouse died. Only 19% in the other three groups combined had one partner die, while only 6% of couples both died in all the other groups combined.

These results stayed consistent even when they factored in smoking, weight, bronchial problems, cardiovascular risk, breathing, age and blood pressure.

Harburg and his team are now working on collecting data from a 30 year period. He anticipates the results to show almost double the death rate compared to this preliminary study.

So, what have we learned? Bottling anger is only going to put you, your partner, or both of you in an early grave. Best to let it out and resolve your conflicts. Often times, we are so focused on our anger that we want to hold onto it, like a dog with a bone. We want the other person to suffer as we are suffering; but in holding it all in and playing the part of a martyr or victim, we only end up wrecking our own body, our own spirit, and of course, our relationships. Letting go of our negative thoughts and words will only create more space in our hearts and minds for forgiveness, love, and joy.