Two Day Magazine

Did anyone see Denise Richards on Oprah the other day? I have to admit, I was very excited to see what I thought was going to be a melodrama play on television. Instead, I saw before me a stressed out, sad looking woman who seems sick and tired of the not-so-fun-anymore drama, sick and tired of having to defend her life, sick and tired of the name, Charlie Sheen. 

Oprah didn't waste any time, as my favorite tv guru never does, and got right down to the questions we all were thinking, considering the situation that he finds himself in with his current wife, Brooke. "Did Charlie ever abuse you?"

I believe that Denise's response was very interesting. She paused, as if she wasn't sure what to say. Her jaw was clenched as she stared blankly into the audience. I was shocked by her physical demeanor. She seemed, well, there is no other word to describe it, afraid. It was if this man (Charlie Sheen) was still very present in her mind, so much so, that she feared answering honestly for what consequences her answer might have brought.

She didn't completely answer the question, at first. She seemed to allude to the fact that they had an unhappy marriage, and yes, that he was verbally abusive.  But, this is why I love Oprah. She doesn't let anything slide and she pressed on.
"But, did he ever physically abuse you?" And, then, Denise reacted as you would expect any abused person to react. She started to back pedal, as if defending her attacker. She said he "never hit me." What was interesting about this answer, is that it wasn't completely true. Oprah pressed on, as only the great and mighty O can do.
She asked, "But didn't he push and shove you?" Denise nodded and said a very hesitant "yes". Oprah continued on, saying how whenever she talks to women that have been abused, they never include pushing, shoving, or rough grabbing, as abuse. I was taken aback, myself. It was so sad to me, that after 5 years, after leaving this abusive man at 6 months pregnant, she still didn't have the confidence or courage to tell it like it was. And, to me, that sends a dangerous message to anyone in abusive relationships.

I have/had friends that are/were in abusive relationships. And abuse can take many forms. It can be the verbal kind. You know: name calling, intimidating speech, bullying, etc.  But, it can also be more subtle than that. There are lots of ways to manipulate and control, and one is through the breaking down of self esteem. The less a person likes themselves, the easier it is to control them, enslave them. Some abusers know what buttons to push and verbally bash their partner into submission.  Physical abuse is another form of abuse. Any form of "touching in anger" should be taken as such abuse. This includes (but isn't limited to) shoving, choking, roughly grabbing someone's arm, kicking, slapping, punching, pushing roughly...you get the general idea. And let's not forget sexual abuse. That's right. Even in a relationship, one can be abused sexually. ANYONE has the right to say NO I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX. If you are pressured into it, made to feel guilty or afraid if you don't give in, this is abuse. Make no mistake. Anytime you are forced to do anything that you don't want to do in the bedroom, that is abuse and it should not be tolerated or ignored. Someone who loves you, or even just likes you, would not pressure you into doing something that you are not in the mood for, or not ready for. Anyone that doesn't respect your personal boundaries, doesn't respect you and should be dropped immediately.

And, just as an aside, I am SO SICK AND TIRED of the media dealing with abusers with kit gloves. If Charlie Sheen wasn't "Charlie Sheen", we would have thrown this pig in jail after the FIRST woman he attacked. Now, there are allegations of him abusing his current wife, allegedly even threatening her life.  She is currently in rehab. Hopefully, when Brooke (his current wife) gets out of rehab, she will have the strength to leave this dysfunctional and downright dangerous relationship.

What a positive signal that would send to anyone dealing with abuse. You can leave and there is help. And, if you are with someone who is hurting you, you cannot change them. Love without Respect does not exist. My advice to anyone dealing in an abusive relationship, reach out. REACH OUT to friends, family, work colleauges, teachers, ANYONE that you feel comfortable talking to. And plan your escape. You deserve happiness. You deserve peace in your life. And remember, Love Doesn't Hurt.